Brad spun around, looking at everyone, his mouth full of chipwich. ‘Isshehere, too?’ Before giving me a goofy grin.
‘You’re such a goober!’ I gave him a kiss that tasted like Barbara Straw-Barrie.
Thatwas allowed at this stage of our non-boyfriend-boyfriend recipe.
By the time Ava arrived, most of Gabe’s extended family – and Al and Willa – had cleared out. The people left were a few of Gabe’s Murphy friends – the ones who hadn’t shared or didn’t care about the video – and the Sunset Estates crew. Luke, Morgan, James, Ava, Brad and I sat at a wooden picnic table that had never been here before and was probably rented. Gabe was off talking to a few Murphy guys. Brad got up to grab more food before they started breaking down the stations, and Morgan shook her head.
‘He’s going to marry you,’ Morgan said, watching Brad fill up his plate again.
I frowned. ‘We should probably become boyfriends first.’
‘Yeah, but once he figures out how well you can cook, you’re done for.’
He knew exactly how I could cook. He’d come over to meet my mom two weeks before, and I’d made dinner. And dessert. He had two helpings of the crab cakes and Elote salad I made, as well as two pieces of blueberry pie. Plus, I gave him the rest of the pie to take home. He said it was the best pie he had ever had – which, yes, that’s probably true. I think I’ve finally got my pie crust recipe down perfectly, and it will die with me … or maybe my children. I was already secretly excited for him to try my pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving.Thatwas where the magic really happened.
‘So when’s everyone’s last day?’ I asked, changing the subject. We had all given George and Natalie our final shift dates. That was, of course, depending on whether we all decided to come back to Sunset Estates during breaks. The thing about working there is you never actually get taken out of the system. After we went off to school, we could call a couple weeks ahead of time if we were going to be home for the weekend or for a break and wanted to pick up shifts. I’d be doing that. At least until I got a job at a restaurant in Providence – which, yes, I had already been checking which ones looked like good places to work.
‘Never,’ Luke said, taking a bite out of a chipwich. He was still figuring out what he wanted to do.
‘I’m done the weekend before July Fourth,’ Morgan said. ‘Gabe’s taking over hosting my shifts after that. At least until he goes to LA.’ Morgan would be at University of Wisconsin in August.
James called to Brad and told him to get some potato salad. ‘I’m still working weekends through the school year. Till something better comes along. Or I get an internship.’ James was going to Drexel in Philly and planned to commute.
Ava and I had decided on the same end date. August 15. It was going to be Sunday brunch, a nice, relaxing final shift. And then we had about a week or so before I had to leave. Ava’s uncle had agreed to let her take her gap year or two and unlocked her trust for her. I’ll be honest, the idea of a gap year still made me feel anxious. But I knew she wasn’t. Ava was the smartest person I knew, and whatever she did, she’d be amazing at it.
‘You know,’ Morgan said, ‘there’s going to be a whole bunch of shadowing over the next few months. Lots of new people.’
But all that was later. For now, there was nothing pressing in our lives. The drama and excitement of the past year had dissipated, and everything was starting to seem peaceful. Take today – all hanging out, laughing, eating great food.
Like,reallygreat food.
Maybe all this would be over tomorrow or the day after the first hiring wave of the summer, and all the new brats would be selfish, entitled little shits. Or maybe next year at Johnson & Wales would be awful and I’d never get full motion back in my fingers and never be able to bake intricate little French pastries and—
But that was spiraling. Whatever bad happened would happen, or it wouldn’t. The year my dad died was the worst year of my life. But the rest of us were still here.
Ava gave me a look like she knew I was in my head about something, but she didn’t say anything.
I turned to Gabe, who was laughing,actuallylaughing, despite what had happened to him just a few months ago. Having to relive the worst thing that had happened to him all over again, but this time from someone he trusted.
We all have bad weeks or years. Moments when it seems like everything is so overwhelming that you don’t know what to do or where to start. It’s like being in the weeds during a shift. Everything feels like it’s all happening at once and you can’t get ahead of it. But there’s always a way. A way to figure it out and roll with it. Or you do flounder and struggle, and you need help from your friends. But eventually there’s a lull.
Brad sat back down, handing James his potato salad, and offered me his plate. I smiled and popped a rolled-up piece of Jamón Ibérico into my mouth. Icouldworry about Brad and me starting something before going to college, where everything would change, but … I wasn’t.
I was happy with right now, sitting there with my friends and my not-boyfriend-boyfriend – who, yes, I was very much hoping was going to turn into my not-not-boyfriend-boyfriend … boyfriend?
I was enjoying the lull. And thereallygood food.
I wrote the first draft of this book in April of 2020. Do you remember April of 2020? I mean, I remember it happened. But every day seemed to be glommed together into one long, never-ending Wednesday, and nothing was certain. I kept expecting an email from my publishers saying they had decided not to publish my debut,All That’s Left in the World, because the pandemic had become worse than they expected and there was no way they were publishing a pandemic romance anymore! I was also working in commercial real estate, which obviously had screeched to an immediate halt and had no clear future.
My partner was working in my office upstairs while I was writing in the dining room. Instead of worrying about the uncertainty of my future, I focused on Tommy, Ava, Gabe, and suddenly also Brad – who started out as a non-speaking background character who I slowly realized I wanted to have a happy ending as well. I focused instead on how their futures were uncertain, too. But in a totally different yet equally uncontrollable way.
I went to school for film – I’m sure you can tell based on the fact that at least one of my characters is always obsessed with movies – but when I graduated there was no job in film or television for me. Years of preparation and planning – and about forty grand in student loans – all for nothing! At least it seemed that way at the time. I got a job at a bank but continued writing in my free time. My day job changed, but I still wrote. It took ten years before I even found representation for my writing. Which is why I will always be so very grateful to my agent, Michael Bourret, for being a wonderful sounding board, a brilliant business partner and a well of knowledge who I appreciate so very much.
Lose You to Find Mewas also not what I had originally planned to be my second book with Balzer + Bray. I sent over a few options to choose from and to my surprise my editor, Kristin Rens, and her wonderful team chose this one. Where I saw a directionless, rambling series of vignettes, Kristin saw … well, actually the exact same thing. BUT! Beneath that, she knew there could be something great inLose You to Find Me.
My UK editor, Tig Wallace, was another surprise. I thought,There’s no way the UK is going to want something I pitched as‘Empire Recordsinan oldfolks’ home’, and yet, Tig absolutely wanted to work on this story with me. It’s not easy to find people who work well together, but Tig and Kristin were always on the same page and really helped me turn Tommy’s story into something special. I hope you are both as proud of this book as I am!
You know that saying ‘There’s too many cooks in the kitchen’? That cannot be more wrong in publishing. There were a lot of cooks in this kitchen, and I needed every single one of them to get this book into your hands. So more thanks must go to the rest of the teams at HarperCollins and Hachette. At HarperCollins: thank you editorial assistant Christian Vega, production editors Caitlin Lonning and Alexandra Rakaczki. The design team, Chris Kwon and Alison Donalty, brought Tommy and Gabe to life in the most gorgeous, vibrant way and I cannot thank you enough! My wonderful cover illustrator Alfredo Roagui. Allison Brown in production, Michael D’Angelo in marketing, Lauren Levite in publicity, Patty Rosati and team, all of whom focus on school and library marketing, and of course Andrea Pappenheimer and team in sales.
