Jamie stops outside the store, looking up at the cracked plexiglass sign. “I don’t get the name. Is it a pun?”
“It was an R and B group,” Cara says.
“Oh, sing us one of their songs, Cara!” I try.
“No.”
This time Jamie nudges me and I smile at him. The front windows and door of Sole for Real have already been smashed open. It looks like all the other stores in the shopping center have been picked over as well.
The glass crunches under our feet as we climb through the front door.
Jamie stops and we listen for signs of life, but there’s only silence.
The shelves are mostly empty, the boxes littering the floor with mismatched shoes. Some display shoes are still on top of the shelves above price tags that seem ridiculous now. Jamie flicks on his flashlight and points it at a sign at the front of an aisle that says “Men’s.” I take my own flashlight and hold it out to Cara.
“Here, take mine. You can find yourself some new shoes, too.”
“I’m fine.” She kicks up her feet one by one, grabbing her ankle to check the soles, which aren’t nearly as worn as ours.
No, Cara, that was a very subtle hint for you to get lost so I can talk to Jamie. Please take it and go.
“Can you keep an eye on the front, then?” Jamie asks. Oh yeah, that’s actually a better idea. She nods, and we head back down the aisle.
“What size are you?” Jamie asks, picking up boxes from the floor.
I keep my voice down. “Ten and a half. Are you okay?”
“Mm-hmm.” He nudges a box to the side.
“Jamie.”
He sighs and stops looking at the floor to focus on me. “What do you want me to say?”
“I want you to talk to me.”
“Talking about it won’t make me feel any better, Andrew!” His voice breaks and I don’t even wait before I pull him into a tight hug. I can feel him trying not to cry.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to talk, then.” He finally lets loose and buries his face in my shoulder, trying to quiet his sobs. His arm squeezes my shoulders, pulling me tight to him. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not.” He finally pulls away from me. I turn to one of the benches in the middle of the aisle and motion toward it.
“Come on, sit down.”
He doesn’t fight me, just lets his bag fall to the ground and sits. I drop down next to him and keep rubbing his shoulders.
“I couldn’t do it before.” Jamie’s voice is so quiet I can barely hear him. I think I’ve heard him wrong, but then he continues. “I killed them.”
“They were going to hurt us.” We’ve talked about this. He’s givenmethis pep talk before, when he found out about the Fosters.
“I know they were.”
“So you were protecting us. You did it because it was about survival. Them or us.”
Frustration flares up. “I know, Andrew!” He puts his palms against his eyes. I turn toward the front of the store and see Cara’s silhouette against the open door. She’s got her back to us, but I knowshe probably heard at least that part.
“Before, I...” Jamie tries to continue. “When my mom got sick, she knew what was going to happen. She had seen it so much in the hospital, and she told me. She said she didn’t want to die like that.”
My mind moves at a mile a minute. Wondering what she would do. She was a doctor, so maybe she would give herself a lethal dose of the pain meds Jamie had. Or maybe she figured out a different way. I remember my little sister. The bug was painful and drawn out. If I had known a more peaceful way of doing it, I might have done something. I think....
