I sink farther into my turtle shell. “This feels like a trap.”
“It’s not meant to be.”
“So either I do nothing and give him what he deserves, or go to him and be the bigger person?”
Lament gives a little cough. “You don’t have togo to him. You could send a message. Let him know you’re on Venthros and you’d like to meet. We’ll probably be here another night or two before Illiviamona clears me to fly. That gives you plenty of time to set something up.”
The thought of contacting Master Ira fills me with dread, but the thought ofnotcontacting him—of possibly missing my final chance—is just as bad. Which… sucks, pretty much. “Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.”
“You’re notdamned.”
“Good point. Turtles can’t go to hell.”
“What?”
“I have the Master’s number memorized.” I release the covers and flip onto my back. My lifestone has started to glow beneath my nightshirt, casting us in a dim halo of green. I catch Lament looking at the stone and say, “Ignore it.”
“Do lifestones usually glow so much?”
“Ha. No.”
“So then why—?”
“Let’s tackle one mystery at a time, hmm?” I’m hoping it’s still dark enough to conceal my blush. I pull out my handheld. “Am I doing this?”
Lament—wincing a little at his bandaged shoulder but apparently choosing to ignore it—props up onto his elbow. “I can leave if you want. Give you some privacy.”
“Actually, I want—I mean, if you don’t mind… I would…” Ugh, words. Why are words so hard? I inhale a deep breath, screw my eyes shut and squeak, “Stay?”
For a moment, that word,stay, hangs between us. My jaw hurts. My stomach is a rock, but made of lava. I feel like I’ve handed Lament a blade and am sitting here with my throat exposed, waiting for the final thrust.
“Okay,” he says. “If that’s what you want.”
“Yeah?”
Lament nods. “Of course.”
My lifestone glows brighter.
I move into a sitting position (the cubby isjusttall enough to fit me) and dial Master Ira’s number before I can change my mind. It rings and rings until eventually a robotic voice comes on the line telling me to leave a message. I nearly hang up, but Lament is looking all concerned and determined, and when I hear the littlebeep, I find myself speaking.
“Hi—hi, Master Ira. Um, I just—” I clear my throat. “It’s been a while since I’ve left you one of these. And—um—well, I know you probably won’tlisten to this. Um, that’s okay.” I feel one of my uncomfortable laughs bubbling up. I shove it down. “You probably didn’t see, but I signed with the Sixth. I know that’s not—it’s not exactly what you wanted for me, but I’m finding my place here. Or, I mean, I’m trying to find my place. But, yeah, anyway, we’re on Venthros. We came because of yesterday’s riot in Soto—I’m sure youdidhear about that—except now it’s all snowballing into something bigger. I’d rather not talk about it over a voice message. Actually, I’d like to meet in person. If you get this. If you’d… want to see me.” Something small and hurt is creeping into my tone. I need to end this quickly. “We’ll be on Venthros for another night at least. You can reach me at this number. And if I don’t hear from you, I’ll… well, I guess that’s that. Anyway, yeah. Okay. Okay. Bye.”
I click off the handheld. And then I burst into tears.
I don’t hear him move, but Lament is there, folding his arms around me, tucking my face into his neck. He’s making these shushing sounds, all soothing and concerned, which only makes me cry harder. “It’s okay,” he says, but it’s not okay. I need to get ahold of myself. I try to pull away, but he grips me tighter and says, “Not yet.”
So I just… let him hold me a little longer.
His body is warm. And he’s got one hand protectively around the back of my neck. And I fit perfectly here, like a moth in its cocoon. And is this really happening?
When we finally break apart, Lament looks… actually, he looks pretty pissed. “I shouldn’t have suggested calling him.”
“No,” I say weakly. “You were right. I had to try.”
“He’s wrong to ignore you like this. The way he makes you feel like… like you have to beg just to…” He shuts his mouth.
I shake my head. My pulse is slowing, my limbs suddenly heavy with exhaustion. I sniffle. “That’s not exactly why I’m upset.”
