More hesitating. Clearly, Lament still isn’t sure he can trust me with this. I said I wouldn’t push, and I mean that, but hell if it doesn’t feel like I’m balanced on the edge of a cliff, waiting to see which way the wind will blow.
“After the accident,” Lament finally says, “the Legion did look into Bast’s death. When they couldn’t find answers—or even any leads—they filed the case underUnavoidable Accidentsand wiped their hands of it. I putin a request with Sergeant Forst to conduct a more extensive investigation, which she declined. When I bypassed her authority and took the issue up the chain of command, they ignored me.”
I blink. “Seriously?”
“It’s an insult to Bast’s memory,” he says bitterly. “Four years. He gave the Legion four years of his life, and they can’t even commit the resources to figuring out why he died. You know what they told me when I tried to reopen his case? They said I should be grateful I’m not being blamed for the accident. I should be happy they aren’t investigatingme.”
My mouth drops open. “That’s… really fucked-up.”
His jaw goes tight. “Yeah.”
“Is that why you don’t want the sergeant to know you’re still hunting for answers?”
“She expressly forbids it. The investigation is technically closed. If we want to continue the search, we’d need a Legion approval of intent, an assignment of funds. And obviously I don’t have either of those things.”
“Because of the sergeant.”
“Because ofall of it.” He heaves the biggest sigh. “Leads have been near impossible to uncover, and the Legion’s decision to close Bast’s case has only made things more difficult. The day of the accident, the mist came out of nowhere and vanished into nothing. No traceable markers, no origin or destination. My only clues thus far have been the raptors and that sand cephalopod, which acted exactly like Bast acted when the mist overtook our spacecraft. His irises started glowing blue and he turned around in the gunner’s seat and just…”
Lament’s eyes clash with mine when he realizes what he’s admitting. My voice is awash with disbelief. “He attacked you?”
Lament tenses. “He wasn’t himself. It wasn’t his fault.”
“I didn’t say it was.”
“It’s like he was possessed. He just went crazy. Started thrashing around and trying to shoot me, and then—” A thick swallow. “We crashed shortly after.”
I’m gaping. I can’t help it. I should have realized the full story the moment I saw those cave raptors, but I didn’t, because it seems impossible, horrible, like something out of a nightmare. It’s one thing to lose your best friend in an accident, but to watch them turn rabid, to see them go mad and then try toattack you…
“Now you understand,” Lament says, “why you can’t make it your job to stand up for me. My decision to fly to Purvuva wasn’t one bad lapse in judgment, and my relationship with the sergeant—the tension between us—isn’t something that can be fixed. I’ll keep breaking rules until I find answers, and if I’m stripped of my Legion wings as a result, so be it. But you… there’s no reason for you to do the same.”
“What happens if I choose to help you anyway?” I ask.
His brow furrows. “Haven’t you been listening?”
“Yes.”
“Why would you choose that?”
Because I watched my mom walk away,I could say.Because I know what it’s like to lose someone you love, and not understand why, and want answers. How it keeps you up at night. How it hurts and hurts and never seems to stop, no matter how much you try to put it behind you, no matter how many years go by.
I want to tell Lament the truth. I want to open up to him like he’s opening up to me. But when I try to speak the words, my voice catches, and I end up simply saying, “Because that’s what I’d want someone to do for me.”
Lament is still confused. “I’m not sure you know what you’re agreeing to.”
“I get the gist.”
“In which case”—he squints an eye—“I believe this calls for a reexamination of our bonehead conversation.”
“I did recently suffer a concussion.”
Up goes that eyebrow. “You’re hardly helping your case.”
“Gunners aren’t typically known for their brains.”
“Am I supposed to argue with that?”
“I am trying to highlight how fortunate you are to have me instead of…” I wave a vague hand. “Brawny.”
