The days that followed reminded Ellina, in some ways, of the tundra. A true chill had descended, winter bedding into the mainlands at last. The sky was a blanket of grey. Sometimes, at night or in early morning, it would snow. Ellina had a new collection of human clothes, including a pair of black riding boots with a clever slot for her knives, a thick winter fox coat, and thin yet surprisingly warm leather gloves. The items had been delivered by castle servants at Venick’s orders. “You’ll need more than armor for a winter campaign,” he had told her, smiling in a way that said he would not have put it past her to pack only armor. Later, when he had seen her dressed in her new colorful cotton, he stopped short. “You look almost—” he had started, then stopped, though Ellina could guess what he had meant to say.Human.
Their battalion was a scattered mix of men and elves. It was a strange arrangement, stranger still for her, whose place among these soldiers was uncertain. Who was Ellina? A princess, a soldier, a spy? Traitor? Target? Ellina could hear them whisper about her, particularly the humans, who underestimated the sharpness of elven hearing. Some of the whispers were charitable.Poor thing, a prisoner and a victim, have you seen those scars?Others, less so.I heard she and the commander have a history. I heard she’s here to win him back. He wouldn’t want her of course, who would?And then there was the worst rumor of all: that she was still loyal to Farah, that she was faking her voicelessness so that she could not be made to answer questions in elvish. Whenever Ellina heard those whispers, she would turn her horse around, gallop off in whatever direction. Sometimes Venick would come after her. He never said anything, never tried to comfort, though he could surely see her angry, unshed tears. Ellina was grateful. Comfort was not what she needed in those moments. She was not sure what she needed, but it was not that.
Venick, for his part, was like an eagle in the sky, so obviously in his place. Ellina had never seen him more at home than when he was sitting atop his great blind buckskin, giving orders. Nor, she mused, had she ever seen her brethren so eager to follow orders. They adored Venick, practically falling over themselves to gain his favor. Honestly, it was a little unfair. She knew what it was to have the loyalty of her subjects, but never their hearts. He had clearly earned both, and he had done it soeasily.
Three days into their journey, Venick pulled his horse alongside Ellina’s. He rarely did this. They still avoided each other as they had on the tundra, their conversations weighed with uncertainty—and with the suspicious eyes of the soldiers. As Venick approached her now, Ellina tried to hide her surprise.
“I was blinded once,” he said. “In the southern forests, before I came north. A conjuror blinded me. I killed him, and the conjuring was reversed.” He toyed with Eywen’s reins. “I can’t be sure what it means, but I wonder, your voice…”
Ellina was startled. She had not considered this. Was it possible that if you killed a conjuror, you undid their conjuring as well? If Ellina killed Balid, would her voice be returned?
“Even if it’s not possible,” Venick continued softly, “it changes nothing. What you’ve done, what you sacrificed—you’re the strongest warrior I’ve ever known, Ellina. Your silence can’t take that from you.”
It was Ellina’s turn to toy with her reins. Trust Venick to cut right through to the heart of her. But he was wrong. Silence had changed things, it had changed her, she was different now, could he not see that she was different? When Farah had silenced her, she had stolen more than Ellina’s voice—she had stolen the essence of who she was.
But of course, Ellina could say none of this. She sighed and looked to the sky.
???
Venick began seeking her out more often. At first, it was to ask for small favors. Will you help scout for water? Will you start the fire? Will you check this horse? She is limping. Then, it was to discuss military strategy. What if we land here? What do you think of this formation? What will your sister do next, do you think? Sometimes, Ellina would write her answers on paper. Sometimes, she would reply with elven hand motions. Most often, however, Venick could simply draw the answer from her eyes.
When there were no more chores to finish and no more strategy to plan, Venick began seeking her out for no reason at all.
It was early afternoon six days into their journey. They were watering their horses by a stream, Venick at her shoulder. She felt the weight of his eyes and turned to find him staring. “You have a leaf in your hair.”
The air seemed to shimmer. Ellina waited for him to reach over and pluck it out. Her chest seemed to bloom with the possibility.
He kept his hands by his side. “Ellina? Did you hear me?"
She fumbled to find the leaf and pull it free.
A soldier pulled Venick into conversation. Ellina kept her eyes on the leaf. She folded it in half, listened to the tiny drycrunch. In half again. Again, until the leaf crumbled to nothing.
???
They traveled on. Most of the humans continued to survey Ellina with apprehension. The elves were deferential, but that was almost worse. It served to highlight their differences, to set Ellina apart. In their down hours, Ellina would see the elves playing cards, a game they had learned from the humans. Once, she tried to join. The elves shot to their feet, all deep bows and murmuredcessenas. When she lingered, they grew uncomfortable. Ellina tried to motion at the cards, but these elves were not Venick and could not simply read the thoughts in her face. Nor, she realized, would they ever have guessed that the elven princess was asking them to teach her cards. Self-conscious and embarrassed, Ellina made a hand motion, a little jerk of the wrists that meant nothing, and strode away.
???
The days were strange, they were a network of ropes, twisting and pulling against each other. Ellina was tangled, she was struggling. She felt lost in their web.
Venick had been busy lately, dragged here and there to deal with the needs of his men. He had not sought her out in a while. Ellina tried to go about her evenings as usual. She found things to do that kept her busy…and kept her eyes from wandering back to him.
She told herself that she was being foolish. Ellina could not expect Venick to spend all his time with her. Yet it was difficult to be alone so much. Ellina had only her thoughts, but her thoughts were a mess. In the Elder’s grand hall with a bow in her hand, Ellina had felt a spark of her old self, but as quickly as that spark had come it was gone again, leaving her cold. Ellina had come to realize that Venick’s presence, for all it confused, helped a little too. When he was there she did not feel quite so hollow. She could see herself through his eyes, and it grounded her.The strongest warrior I’ve ever known.
Ellina should be able to know herself without Venick around. She thought about this one evening as she walked the camp’s perimeter, having put herself on watch duty. She could not always rely on him. When they reached Igor and their war efforts began in earnest, she would likely see Venick less and less. And when Harmon reappeared? Well, Ellina would not soon forget that woman’s words. Ellina’s presencedidcomplicate things. Maybe Venick would realize that it was better for him to keep his distance. Maybe he would decide it was safer to leave Ellina behind altogether.
The thought lit her with fear. She froze, knotting her fists. What would she do then? She might not belong here, but she did not belong anywhere else either. If he sent her away, she would have nowhere to go.
“Ellina.”
His voice made her jump. He approached from a distance, his hair catching the wind, his cheeks bitten red with cold. She was breathing hard, fears crowding up her throat.You would not leave me behind, would you? You would not have asked me to come if you planned to leave me.
“Ellina?” He saw her expression and was instantly alarmed. He sped up, jogging to close the distance between them. “Hey, it’s okay, you’re okay.”
She did not feel okay. She felt like she was suffocating.
“Come here.” He pulled her into his arms. He had not done this since the tundra, and Ellina was momentarily shocked by the contact, the solid warmth. She leaned into him to hide her face, heart pounding.
