There were things she wanted to say. His pulse still thudded every time she opened her mouth to speak, a reflex she couldn’t seem to quit. She probably wanted to rage at him, and he wanted to let her, because he deserved it. Reeking gods, did he ever deserve it.
“I’m engaged to Harmon,” Venick said. Ellina flinched a look at him. He swallowed his shame and barreled on. “It was political. The Elder wanted to solidify the union between our nations. He seemed to think marriage was the best way to do it. I refused. Then we were ambushed by the Dark Army. We were losing that battle, we needed reinforcements. The Elder’s army—it seemed like our only hope. So I agreed.
“I shouldn’t have.” His voice was raw, scraping its lowest register. “I would never have done it if I’d known the truth about you. I can’t forgive myself for not knowing. Ellina, please look at me.”
She did. Her golden eyes showed their molten cores.
“I’ve told Harmon we should break off the engagement.”
Ellina’s expression didn’t change. She was shutting down, closing up, turning to stone. She looked away to peer across the landscape. The wind lifted her hair.
“I don’t expect your forgiveness,” Venick said. “But I wanted you to understand.”
He couldn’t be sure if she did. She gave a single, short nod before moving away again. Venick waited until she’d put that silence and space back between them. He followed at a distance behind her.
FORTY-ONE
They returned to the city shortly after nightfall, emptyhanded.
Ellina would have continued searching. She would have searched all night if it meant giving Dourin a better chance at survival. But when the sun was just a slice above the horizon, Venick caught up to her. “We should turn back.” She had crossed her arms,no. “Yes, Ellina.” Venick’s expression was emptied out. He looked dead on his feet. “We won’t be able to find theisphanelin the dark. And it’s not safe to be out here at night. We’ll look again tomorrow, I promise we will, but right now we need to go back.”
She had agreed then, only because she was not sure she was strong enough to continue. Ellina had never resented her own body as she did then. Then again, her body had never turned on her in such a way. She had always taken her seemingly endless strength for granted. She would not do that again.
They moved through the city together. A night market was emerging, stalls springing forth like mushrooms in a forest, splotches of color between shadows. There was a candlemaker, a baker, a cobbler. Torches were lit along the road and humans mingled around them, swigging from flasks, wiping their beards, talking business. They nodded when they saw Venick, but then their eyes would shift to Ellina and their expressions closed. Their greetings went dead on their lips.
Ellina knew enough now to understand their hostility. The Elder was the ruler of this country. Venick had been promised to his daughter. So what was Venick doing, riding into their city with the Dark Queen’s sister between his arms? What was he doing, wandering the land with her at dusk? Ellina did not know what stories were being told about her, but she saw well enough the suspicion in the humans' eyes. She saw them see her black hair.
They hated her. They did not care what Ellina had risked. Ellina was not even sure they knew about her role as a spy. All they knew was that she had been an ally of the Dark Queen, and now she was here, meddling.
Ellina wanted to scream. She sometimes felt full of such intense frustration that she wanted to cut off her own hands. But then the frustration would warp into sadness, bleeding her dry. She felt infected. Diseased. She half agreed with the humans' estimation of her: that she was a parasite, a witch. She deserved to be burned at the stake.
She risked a glance at Venick. It was difficult to look at him. Looking at him was like looking at her own, ruined heart.Engaged. He was engaged to that highland woman. Venick had said that he wanted to break off his engagement, not that he actually had. Ellina had not missed that distinction.
The two of them looked good together. Even Ellina could see that. Harmon was about Ellina’s height, but the similarities ended there. Harmon was soft and womanly, with long wavy hair and pretty tanned skin. And Venick…well, he had changed since last summer. He looked less like an outlaw and more like a human commander. It was in the way he walked, the way he spoke. Harmon’s marriage to him might have been political, but surely she did not think it was a hardship.
Ellina looked down at her own skin. Pale, like a grub. Ellina was not human. Lately, she had not really felt elven either.
Her throat closed. She did not know what she was doing here, did not truly understand why Venick had risked so much to come for her. It would cause him trouble. It was causing him trouble already. He should have left her in that prison.
When they returned to the castle, Venick asked a soldier named Lin Lill to share her room with Ellina. Lin Lill was gracious, but Ellina could not stand the charity…or the sneaking suspicion that Lin Lill was also meant to keep an eye on her. Ellina went to the infirmary instead.
Dourin’s eyes remained closed, his chest rising and falling softly. His arms were arranged like a cadaver’s, folded neatly across his chest. Ellina knew someone must have set his hands like that. The real Dourin slept like a sea-battered ship, tossing and turning, his arms flung wide.
She knelt beside the bed, listening to his breathing. When her knees could take no more of it, she crawled into the cot, curling up at his side like they used to when they were younger.
Ellina did not believe in gods, but she prayed hard that night. She prayed to every god she could think of, promising to do anything, to give up anything, if only they would let Dourin live.
???
She did not sleep. Each time Ellina felt herself starting to doze she would startle awake, gripped with the chilling conviction that if she fell asleep Dourin would die. Who would watch over him, if not her?
The hours slithered by. She drifted in a strange daze.
She did not hear Venick enter, did not sense his presence until he set a hand to her shoulder. “Ellina.”
She sprang to her feet. Her vision tunneled; she had stood too quickly. The hand on her shoulder tightened as she swayed. “Ellina? Hey.”
Her sight returned. Venick’s forehead was pinched. “Have you been here all night?” She waved a dismissive hand, which he caught. “The palace physician is outside. She has been waiting to come in.” His palms were calloused, the skin warm. Or maybe it was her skin that was cold. She felt as if she had been cold for a long time. Venick peered at Dourin and said, “His color is looking better.”
