She ignores me and keeps walking until I start glowering at her and she realizes that if she wants my cooperation, she will appease me. “Oh, great Sandman, will you please save my useless life with your phenomenal and breathtaking skills?” I’ve literally never heard a dryer plea for me to save someone. Even Tavish bleeding out on an island didn’t sound that reluctant to have my help.
“Every word out of your mouth makes me not want to save you,” I inform her. “It actually makes me want to join their side.”
“Of all people I had to run into, it had to be you,” she mutters.
“Making you the luckiest woman alive,” I say. “I would say the luckiest person alive, but Jackson fills that role because he gets to spend the rest of his life with me.”
“Narcissistic much?”
“Oh ho ho, let us not compare when you’re over there pretending to be Miss Perfect Pants while your husband and son live in ignorant bliss, unaware that their precious family member is a backstabbing, evil woman.”
“It’s better for them.”
“Is it? They were completely unable to prepare, whereas my son has been trained to be a master martial artist. He knows no foe strong enough to take him down.”
“I saw the way he held that knife,” she saysveryflatly. “You’re fooling no one.”
“I’m fooling everyone,” I snap. “Don’t you dare judge my precious son. Is this because you’re jealous that my son is superior to yours?”
“I looked into him, after you came to my house. And I found it awfully suspicious how he went from being involved in a major crime to suddenly being adopted by you.”
I stop walking and I feel like she understands that she finally said something that I’m not willing to put up with. “Listen here, Miss ‘So-fee-a,’ I don’t have to help you. I can wash my hands of this whole thing and turn around and trot on home. And let me assure you that I will sleep just fine tonight.”
She hesitates before lowering her head. “I’m sorry.”
“And?”
“Uh… I apologize?”
“And?”
“I won’t tell anyone that you very clearly illegally adopted your son. I truly need your help and am aware that I couldn’t do this without you.”
“And?”
“What the fuck else do you want?” she asks.
“I want it all.”
“Uh… you were right, I was wrong. I’m nothing more than the dirt you walk on. I praise your ability to be the best human alive. Does that satisfy you?”
“Possibly,” I say as I strut up to the front of the building. Sophia pulls open the door, and I step inside to find four rather muscular men awaiting my arrival.
“No wonder you stayed with this family so long,” I comment. “I mean… my husband is still more handsome, but these men look like they’d crush fences with their hands instead of getting stuck on them.”
“What are you even going on about?”
“You’re coming with us,” one guy says.
“Oh nooo, I’m being kidnapped. Ineverexpected this to happen,” I say with much sarcasm.
A woman walks up and orders, “Hand over the weapon.”
“This is just a prop. It’s a Nerf gun, actually. I’m cosplaying as a badass motherfucker.”
“It’s quite obviously not a prop,” she says as she holds her grimy hands out.
I grimace when I see them itching to stroke my baby. “Not going to happen. Jackson is the only other person allowed to stroke her.”
