“Hey,” Bennett says. “Waylon was telling me about all of his adventures on Saturday.”
“Oh, yeah, I didn’t really know what a teen would like so I made them do it all,” I respond, wondering if Bennett feels jealousy over what Waylon’s been telling him. Does he feel like we’re trying to take his place as Waylon’s guardians?
But if Bennett got out of prison tomorrow… I don’t know that I would want to give Waylon up. I know Bennett truly loves his brother, but choiceshemade got Waylon in trouble and landed himself in prison. He should have gotten him far away… but I know better than anyone that making those hard choices when there doesn’t appear to be any way out sometimes feels impossible.
“The skydiving was so much fun, Bennett, you’d have loved it. When you get out, we need to go do it together! I want to learn how to do those flips,” Waylon says.
“That’d be fun,” Bennett replies. “How’s school going for you?”
“Going well! The teachers have been really nice and helped me make up for the period when I stopped going to school or wasn’t turning things in on time. They put me in advanced science, so I at least get to do some stuff in the lab.”
“What are your grades looking like?”
“All As for this quarter. English is a little boring because the teacher just talks and talks. I think he became a teacher so he could have a captive audience… ooh, Leland, you should have been a teacher.”
“Excuse me?” I grumble.
“You would love having a captive audience.”
“I was going to get you ice cream and now I’m going to make you watch me eat it.”
He looks shocked that I would say such a thing when he is the real monster here. “I take it back! I meant that you… uh… would have had adoring fans because you’d have been a phenomenal teacher? Yes, that one,” Waylon says. “I’m going to use therestroom. I’ll be right back. Do you want anything out of the vending machine, Bennett?”
“Oh… yeah, grab me something. You know what I like.”
“Leland?”
I smile at him. “Sure. Anything is fine.”
“Mkay,” he says as he heads off.
The table turns very quiet without Waylon here. I am not the best at awkward silence and have a habit of trying to fill that silence with something foolish. So just as I go to open my mouth and say something about making Waylon a kung fu master, Bennett begins talking.
“I’m going to admit… when this… started, I was really angry. I was angry that you and your husband just got to swoop in and take Waylon from me. I was so mad I almost consulted the authorities to get them to see that how you acquired him wasn’t done legally. But… after a while, I realized that it was myself that I was angry at, not you,” he says. “I fucked up. I’ve raised Waylon since he was a baby. My mom didn’t take good care of him and despite being young myself, I recognized that. I stole food from the store so he wouldn’t starve to death. I was a fucking kid myself, but at least I got fed once a day when I went to school. My mother just left him in his crib, and when he was older, just in his room until I got home to take care of him. But things fell apart when I got older. In my head, it was easier to get quick money selling drugs and getting involved with gangs. I dragged Waylon into that life when I didn’t need to.
“I know our stepfather was a huge source of it, but I could have run. At one point, I had our escape all ready. I mapped out the bus route. I was going to take him south. There was a buddy of mine who moved down there and he told me he’d get me a job as a laborer at the place he worked at. I wouldn’t need any identification and he’d pay me under the table. It was hard work, the pay would barely be enough to keep us afloat, but it’dbe honest work… but I just… got pulled back into this life. I had some vision that I could work my way up, I could get rich like those who ordered me around had. I regret not going every day.”
Bennett runs a hand over his head. “And then I see Waylon every week, and I see how fucking happy he is. How well he’s doing in school… you… I mean, obviously you met him during a bad time, but this… this isn’t the Waylon I knew. The Waylon I knew was quiet and reserved. He never asked for anything. He tried to stay back like he just wanted to be forgotten because he never wanted to be trouble for me. Or maybe if he never spoke or drew attention to himself, he wouldn’t be dragged into this fucked-up world. But now? This is the Waylon I used to know years ago. The one who was happy back when he was a kid who was too naïve to know how shitty the world is. And I hate myself so much for not being the person to make him happy again.” He rubs at his face, like he can rub away all of the pain he feels.
I wait until he meets my eyes again before speaking. “So you fucked up; it’s not the end of the world, Bennett. It might feel like it now… I know that feeling. I know how lonely it is, how suppressing it is… but this is just the transition period in your life so that when you get out, you can be the brother Waylon needs. I never knew I needed Waylon in my life, but I do. He’s changed me just like my husband has. I adore him, I love him, and I will do anything to keep him safe. It doesn’t matter how much fancy shit I get that kid, he will never forget everything you’ve done for him. He’s a good kid. He appreciates you and he talks about you all the time. He was devastated we couldn’t flip some magical switch to get you out, but I’m going to be really honest… I think he’s relieved you’re in here because he’s afraid that out there, you’re going to make the same damn mistake that put you in here.”
Bennett shakes his head. “I’m not! I’m going to be better. I’m going to get a real job. I’ve cut myself off from all of that shit.”
“Good, and you know that when you get out, as long as you stick to that promise, Jackson and I will help you get on your feet.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I’m going to anyway,” I assure him. “Bennett, don’t forget that it doesn’t matter how old Waylon is or how long he’s with us, he’ll always need you. He’ll be twenty or so when you get out and he might worship me as the greatest to ever walk this earth, but there will be a tiny smidgen of room for you.”
Bennett raises an eyebrow. “Like… that started really heartfelt, and it just went downhill.”
“I have to admit, it was making me extremely uncomfortable.”
He nods. “I noticed.”
I lean back in my chair. “Feelings? Not really my thing. I’d rather pester the ones I love. Like look at him over there. Is he going to stare into the abyss of the vending machine for an hour because we both told him to pick something we like? You know he knows what we like. That kid remembers everything.”
“Yes, but what if we like something else for today only?” Bennett asks. “We should get comfortable at this rate. This will take a while.”
