“You got this!” Ellis says with a smile and a high five, even though his boyfriend is obviously asking for help.
I grab Tavish by the hair and pull him back in; the issue is that his body doesn’t really bend that way, and I kind of ram it against the top of the window frame.
“Whoops. Tavish, I’m sorry, but this very moment calls for a song,” I decide.
“Which part? Bloodying my head?” Tavish growls. “ELLISSS. Why did you do this to me?”
I look back just to see Ellis waving wildly.
“His innocence creeps me out,” I declare.
Tavish slowly looks over at me. “For being normal?”
“Don’t you dare sass me by making me seem like the bad guy! You bashed his head against a dumpster, threw him in a trunk, and handed him off to a bad guy,” I remind him. And then I clear my throat to prepare for the greatest song known to mankind and beyond. “Muuuurrrder… Jackson won’t let memuuuurder Tavish… so I guess I have to settle for this radish. Dice it up, mince it, and fry it… come on, don’t you want to try it?—”
“Is your horrendous song about murdering and eating me?” Tavish asks, like he has any room to be shocked.
“No! I was singing about radishes. What kind of song were you listening to?”
“Hon… it did kind of sound like you were talking about Tavish,” Jackson says.
“How dare you take his side? Fine. I shall try again. Are you ready?” I clear my throat once more. “You may know me as the Sandman, but my story starts with a trash bag. All you need is a bit of rope but don’t lose hope. A splash of bleach… what? No, I definitely didn’t hear a screech. What’s this saw for? Just another chore?—”
“Are you chopping up my body now?” Tavish cries.
“Why do you keep thinking these songs are about you? I was cutting down a tree,obviously. You’re so in love with yourself that you keep thinking that I’m singing about you. How weird.”
Tavish gawks at me. “What was the bleach for if not to dilute the blood?”
“To clean up afterward. Like… maybe there was poison ivy on the tree or something,” I respond. “I have literally never met a crew pickier than all of you! I don’t hear any of you singing.”
“The world is not ready for my songs,” Tavish says, as if he could accomplish anything as majestic as I have with that body of his.
“What about a song about The Fence?” Jackson innocently asks.
“Is this the point where I can use my one free punch ticket?” Everly asks as he stretches his wrist like he doesn’t want to sprain it when he socks me.
“I’d be careful or he’ll start singing about you next,” Tavish says.
“I’m just remembering that I don’t want to be in this vehicle and would prefer to get in a different one,” Micah complains.
“You’re stuck with us now,” I inform him. “The feel of your grain never makes my heart strain; you’re Jackson’s bane?—”
“Stop! Please, I’m begging you,” Everly pleads.
“I would like to erase this song from my memory. Does anyone have duct tape?” Jackson asks.
I give my husband a look so he’s well aware of my displeasure over his dislike of my song. “Jackson! I was singing a ballad foryou.”
Tavish hands some duct tape back while I stare at my one true love in horror.
“You would betray me like this?” I whisper.
“It’s…” Jackson grimaces a little but still tears a piece off. “I’m sorry, Leland. It’s just better for all of us this way.” And then he smooths it over my lips. He gives me a soft smile, kisses my taped lips, and then everyone starts chatting about sports. Like who the fuck cares about sports when we have a fence to sing about?
I glower at the happy men all the way back to the agency, where I finally rip the tape off and slap it on Jackson’s cheek. After parking, we head inside to see Mason sleeping on his desk.
“Mason, I thought we told you not to come into work today,” Jackson says. “Remember? Shit’s going on so it’s safest for you to stay home?”
