“If I die wearing this, I will haunt you in the afterlife, and I have to assume being haunted by a duck like this would be terrifying,” Henry threatens.
“You can’t die. Waddle I do without you?” I ask.
“We’re splitting off before I have to hear another word out of your mouth,” he announces, and then he charges out and leaves me behind.
True love right there.
Deciding that he’s probably pretty safe in the suit, I plan to keep him in my sight but branch off a little bit so we can cover more ground on our adventure to find Raul. Without wasting a moment, I hurry toward the birthday party where most of the action is taking place. There’s a pony dressed up with wings and a horn that the kids are currently lined up to ride, and the adults are grabbing drinks like it’s the only way to get through this hell.
I make it about ten feet before a little boy slams into me, wrapping his arms around my leg. “GOOFY!” he declares.
I pat him on the head before realizing that the beaming child with snot on his nose has absolutely no intention of letting go.
I’m so glad my child is better than this thing. I wonder how all of these people would feel if they knew that out of all of the children in the world, I got the best one.
“Let go now, Goofy has things to do!” I declare.
“You don’t sound like Goofy,” he says like he’s some fucking Goofy connoisseur.
And how the hell does Goofy talk? I decide that no words are needed to pry the child off and I begin to do just that when I catch sight of Raul. He’s heading toward the house, so I quickly look around and spot Henry.
And head flick toward the man.
Henry gets none of that, or maybe he just can’t see well in his stupid costume, so I start toward him, dragging the child with me.
“You’re so funny!” the child says while I question where the child’s parents are and why they haven’t yelled at him yet.
My child would never be this obnoxious.
“Will you let me go if I give you a balloon?” I ask as I try to grab one but with these giant gloved hands, I nearly rip down the whole set of decorations instead, causing everyone to look over at me.
I decide that one balloon isn’t enough, and maybe if I give him a whole pile of them, he’ll float off like the house in thatUPmovie Mila made Jackson and me watch when we were looking after her.
It does no such thing, but the child seems pleased, and I finally manage to shake the creature off my leg and rush over to Henry.
“This way,” I say, and Henry hurries after me as we make our way into the estate. I’ve lost sight of Raul, but I know he’s here and that’s all I need.
There are too many people milling around, so I give Henry a nod, clearly stating, “Go over there, we’ll block his exit and drive him upstairs to an empty room where we will get information out of him without anyone knowing.”
Henry gives me an “I feel like a Ducking Badass Motherquacker” look, and I can’t help but wonder why he isn’t taking this seriously. I swear, my friends are out of control.
But once I motion to him, he does split off, and we each go down opposite hallways that converge back together. We pass a few people who don’t take much notice of us, but a woman who I recognize as Raul’s wife does stop and scowl at us.
“I swear, if he insists on having you, why the hell do you look so horrible? Where did he get these outfits? The dumpster?They should go back in the dumpster,” she growls before she starts yanking my costume around. The woman is displeased and shows it with a few more jerks of my costume. She does it so hard that the head gets misaligned.
“Jesus, Michelle, leave them alone,” Raul shouts. “You didn’t want guards around, so I covered them up like you asked, and now you’re bitching about that too?”
“Knock it off and stop cussing! There are children around. And you really think it’s wrong of me to not want your guards frolicking around with children? This should be a safe place!”
“Made safer by my guards,” he snarls.
People, noticing the tension, turn to look, but Raul and his wife immediately play it off like nothing is amiss.
It’s honestly quite impressive.
They both hurry off, her outside, him deeper into the house. I glance over at Henry, who was just watching me get assaulted without a care in the world. It kind of looks like he’s enjoying it a bit, and I really wouldn’t blame him if he was. He seems to enjoy watching others suffer, and I don’t want to knock what brings him joy.
We start trailing after Raul, but I don’t get too far before some parents slip in front of me, blocking my path.
