Landon: Date night TOMORROW. Where? Nolan’s room. Who? All who want to witness Brandon’s blow-up girlfriend. Make sure you don’t bring anything sharp that could pop her. TOMORROW IS THE NIGHT. Who’s in?
Lex: Fuck to the yeah.
August: I’m not sure I can look her in the eyes after Brandon’s sex story. I feel extremely uncomfortable whenever I’m around him now.
Landon: You have no choice, you’re going.
Me: No thanks.
Asmodeus: May the demons grace us on this fine offering.
Asmodeus: For you lesser humans, that means yes, Ellison and I will be there.
Landon: DOES it mean that?
Asmodeus: The demons shall grace you tomorrow.
Landon: Are you going to kill us at dinner?
Asmodeus: Never drink from an unwatched cup.
Landon: Why? Why can’t I leave my cup unwatched in front of my closest friends?
Asmodeus: *heart emoji* *eggplant emoji* *devil emoji*
I look up at Asmodeus. “Do you know what the eggplant emoji means?”
“Penis.”
He sets a hand on my back with that declaration and hurries me off toward my car.
“If you know, then why do you send it?”
“Landon loves it.”
“I’m not sure he does, like… why send that to a friend?”
“The better question is… why not?” he asks as we get in the car, and I start driving again. I can see him scouting the trees and fields while we drive, but I think he knows that the person is gone.
“I just got to thinking… how did you get to my mother’s house?” I ask.
“Ah, delicious question. I stole Valerie’s vehicle as she made siren noises at me.”
“And… where is that car now?”
“Just like… on the side of the road somewhere. I left the keys in it so she can find it.”
“We have to go back so you can return it!”
“Nonsense. As the crow flies the siren will seek her booty.”
“What doesanyof that mean?” I ask.
“You will know when you’re older.”
“I’m older than you!” I growl.
Asmodeus just smiles, enjoying this shitty life far too much.
