I reach out and pat his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him. “It’s tough out there.”
“Made tougher by friends like you!”
I beam, pleased. “You called me your friend. How sweet.”
His eyes narrow. “Friends value their friends’ lives more than you do.”
I whip out my invoice pad and write, “Keeping Landon safe fee: $$$69,696,969.” I hand it to him before saying, “Tell Valerie I need it by Monday.”
He seems pleased as he holds it before remembering he was here for a reason. “You’ll watch him, right? Lex would struggle to protect him the way you can.”
“Understandable.”
“So you will?”
“I have a villain to find, so that’s going to be a no.”
“What the fuck was this whole pricing bullshit about if you weren’t even going to do it?”
“I was just telling you how much it’d cost if I chosetodo it.”
Landon’s glare turns severe. “You’re going. You have Ellison to protect.”
“Fine, fine. Just for a bit.”
“And don’t eat the ferret.”
“Hmm… it shouldn’t be hot dog shaped if it didn’t want to be a hot dog.”
“Deus, dammit! Give me the ferret.”
I mime eating the ferret like it’s a corncob, holding both ends of it as Landon gasps at me. He hurries after me but doesn’t make it very far before his weak legs give up and he wanders off, deciding that he’d rather allow me to eat the ferret than use one more calorie.
I head out to my car and set the ferret down on the passenger seat. It sets to work at puncturing holes in my upholstery whileI watch Ellison’s mom get into her fancy vehicle where a man drives her off.
“Well, bud. What kind of owner do you want? I really only know the four guys… oh, and Nolan… wait, we have Valerie, but if I was you, I’d rather get eaten by a hawk than let Valerie be my owner. We’ll think on that.”
The ferret comes over to me, so I hold a finger out to it which it promptly bites, squeaks at, and fucks off.
“I like you, Pocket Lint the Third, Esquire. You’re my kind of guy… or gal… no fucking idea which and it feels weird to just like… sit in my car and stare at your genitals… Are you a dude or gal? This hand is dude, this hand is gal.” I hold both out and the ferret comes over and tries prying the nail off the middle finger on my gal side.
“Miss Pocket Lint the Third, Esquire it is.”
So off I drive, on the hunt to find Pocket Lint the Third, Esquire a new home.
I walk into the hospital room the following day to break Ellison out.
“I’m here to set you free,” I inform him.
“I’m… free to go,” he says, suit on. “No breaking out required.”
I scowl at his clothing choice, displeased he is already all covered up again. I didn’t get my fill of staring at his tattoos.
“He didn’t even forget the cuff links,” Landon says, noting my look.
“I see that.”
“What’d you do with the ferret… don’t tell me you scurried around the woods and ate it.”
