“Honey, have your parents been by to see you?” Patricia asks.
“No, and I doubt they will. They… They’re busy.”
“Shame, shame, shame. You should call them up, see if they’d like to join the party.”
“My parents would rather shit out an ostrich egg than participate in something like that.”
“My girlfriend said that she wants to watch me lay eggs,” Brandon comments.
“Are we… ever going to meet this girlfriend of his?” August asks.
“Oh, honey, I’m convinced she’s made up at this point,” Landon says, and Brandon looks gobsmacked.
“What? No! She’s not made up.”
“He blows her up,” Patricia corrects.
“Ah, right, right,” Landon says.
“Why would I blow her up? I love her.”
“Brandon, I am cordially inviting you to a double date,” Landon declares. “You will bring your girlfriend, and I will look upon her with my own two eyes.”
“Fine… but you guys are just so weird. You’re going to embarrass me.”
“We’re the embarrassing ones?” August asks quietly. “Ha. Did you hear that?”
“I heard it,” Landon says.
Brandon reaches out and caresses August’s hand. “August… she’s also a fan of yours. She has a poster of you hanging on her wall. I always find it weird when we’re doing it, you know? I feellike you’re watching me, and then one time I ejaculated when I glanced up and caught your eyes, so whenever I see you in person… I feel a little strange.”
August slowly looks over at Landon in horror. Finally, someone in this room is realizing that this isn’t all fun and games. Then the piñata breaks and the contents spill out.
“Money!” Patricia shouts and people dive down to swoop it up before coming up with no money, only ketchup packets, while Patricia cackles. “Oh, how fun this was. Alright, let’s get this villain knighting over with. Hand him his cat. I’m just glad you got a box with holes in it this time.”
“I remembered,” Mark says, sounding quite proud of himself as he sets the boxrighton my wound.
Quickly, I pick it up. “No… I really couldn’t. Thank you.”
The box is being flung every which way while the cat tries its hardest to leave. I can see it now, leaping out, scratching the shit out of me and then running off through the hospital. And now that I look at Mark’s arm, I see that it’s been absolutely shredded. It looks like he should be in the hospital instead of me.
“I’m so excited,” Landon says as he hurries over.
“Take it back. Please. Someone!” I beg.
“Does it already have a name?” Asmodeus asks, getting involved in this.
“Pocket Lint the Third, Esquire,” Mark announces proudly.
“Take it,” I plead. “I will not… I will not have a cat, and I will not have a cat with that horrible name.”
Landon whips open the box and the cat tumbles and rolls out before standing up on fourverystubby legs. It looks at me, arches its back, and hops sideways down my chest then chomps down right on my nose.
“FUCK,” I cry as I grab the creature and pull, but its jaws of death are latched on for good. While I fight it, the fucking “Congrats on the baby girl!” balloon is bouncing all around.
“I told you to get acat!What the hell is that thing?” Patricia asks while I’m holding on to the creature in question. I don’t want to hurt it, but it’s over here giving me a piercing for a nose ring I’ll never wear.
“It’s alooongcat,” Mark says before going, “Heh.”
