“Why didn’t yousayanything?” I poke his arm.
“Well...” He shifts, making a face. “You hated his bestie. Or I thought you did. And then it seemed like y’all were maybe cool, but I don’t know, things were so peaceful and I didn’t want to mess it all up.”
“I’m really sorry,” I say quietly. It makes me sad to know my problems with Forrest kept Jayden from pursuing someone he liked. At the same time, it’s nice that he cared enough about how I felt to not pursue it. And then I feel selfish for thinking that. The emotions swirl inside me, and I follow them down—
“Hey.” Jayden shakes my arm. “It all worked out. And now we can double-date.”
“I don’t know,” I say. “Like, that would be so cool, but ...I acted all weird the last time Forrest and I talked. I told him I couldn’t be with him like that, and I was so awkward—”
“So talk to him and explain,” Jayden says. “I really think it will work out. And even if you don’t end up dating, maybe you can salvage the friendship.”
“I don’t know.” I stare at the floor.
“I don’t think you have to leave Queer Alliance forever,” Anna says gently. “And I don’t think everyone is going to automatically reelect Forrest. You’ve done a really good job, and everyone likes you. People in the club have been asking us about you all week. Maybe you could come back for the meeting on Friday?”
I chew on my bottom lip, thinking. Maybe Anna is right, but maybe she’s biased because she’s my friend. I don’t knowif I can take one more thing going wrong. Although, at this point, QA is probably better off if I’m not in charge.
“I’ll think about it,” I say.
Jayden nudges my foot with his. “If you do decide to go, you won’t be doing it alone. We’ve got you.”
When Friday morning comes, I wake up early and lie there staring at the ceiling. I’ve been thinking about everything my friends said since yesterday, and I’m no closer to a decision. Part of me wants to talk to Forrest so badly. I play out all the scenarios where it ends exactly the way I hope, but I can also see all the ones where it ends in catastrophe.
In the darkness, Brekky resettles himself on my feet, and I keep still so I won’t disturb him. I haven’t missed a Queer Alliance meeting since I started going, and now I’ve missed one last week and potentially another. The idea of staying home today feels weird. Especially because yesterday was Trans Day of Remembrance, the end of Trans Awareness Week. I should have been at school, leading the event the way I’m supposed to as co-president.
My alarm beeps, and I blow out a heavy sigh.
“I can do this,” I say into the room, and sit up. “I just have to go to school. That’s all I’m doing.”
Brekky protests as I move my feet out from under him. I flip on my lamp and squint in the sudden light. At my closet, I throw on black sweats and a T-shirt, with a hoodie over it. In the bathroom, I brush my hair and teeth, and clean my glasses. There’s still a faint pink hue from Anna’s hair dye around the mouth of the drain.
“Sidney!” Mom says when I walk into the kitchen. “You’re up.”
“I want to go to school today,” I say.
“Are you sure?” she asks.
I nod.
“Then let me drive you,” she says.
“OK,” I say.
I text my friends in the car to let them know I’m on my way. The sky is just starting to lighten as Mom and I take the freeway over Lake Union toward the school, and it seems like it’s going to be a clear day, just a few clouds dotting the pink horizon as it blends into a blue sky above us. I twist in my seat to look back, and I can see her: the mountain, watching me go.
After almost a week at home, the school is loud and bright. I keep my head down, heading straight for my locker. When I reach it, all my friends are standing there, and they hug me in turn.
“I’m really glad you’re here,” Makayla says.
“You can totally do this,” Jayden says.
“I’ll meet you outside your fourth period and walk you to Queer Alliance,” Anna adds. The ends of her hair are aperfect bright magenta, clashing gloriously with her orange sweater.
“I wish you could come to my first period too,” I say, leaning my head into her shoulder.
“Forrest is in that class with you, right?” Makayla asks.
“And his friends.” I blow out a breath.
