What do you need?
I don’t know,I say.Distraction? I just don’t get it. Like, if he wants to stay sober, just STAY SOBER. Just don’t drink.
I hear you,Forrest says.It doesn’t make any sense.
Can you send me some memes?I ask.I liked that cat video the other day.
You got it,he says.Incoming.
Our thread fills with videos, and I watch them one after another, laughing at some, cooing out loud over others.These are perfect,I say.
Good,Forrest says.I can do this all day. Just let me know if it gets annoying and I’ll stop lol.
I grin, kicking my feet a little.Sounds good.
In the morning, I’m dragging. Dad is on my mind, wherever he is right now; he could be in a meeting, or maybe he’s drinking again. I miss my train and catch the later one, which gets me to school just as the first bell rings. I fight through the crowd in the halls, sliding around clumps of students flooding every direction to their classes, and get to Ms. Lundahl’s room just as the second bell buzzes.
She’s talking about the essay, and I know I need to pay attention, but it takes everything I have to keep my eyelids half open. The room is blurry around me, and her voice fades to a background hum. Every so often, my head jerks forward and wakes me up. I straighten my posture every time, eyes fixed on her, hoping no one saw me, only to slide down, down, down again into a sleepy daze.
“Sidney!” Forrest calls out when the bell rings for second period. I stop at the door and wait for him; Stef and Alexander are already in the hall, heading for their next classes.
We fall into step, and he looks over at me. “How are you holding up?”
Something warms inside me. He cares about how I’m doing. “I don’t know. I keep thinking about him, and...” I swallow, eyes filling with tears.
“Hey, hey.” He puts a hand on my upper arm, and it steadies me and lights me up at the same time. How many feelings can one person have in their body at once? If there’s a limit, I must be approaching it. “It’s going to be OK. It’s not your fault.”
“Thanks.” I sniffle, wiping my eyes, and meet his: calm, and kind, more brown than green today. “I was wondering. Do you want to hang out after school today? You were going to tell me something at the competition.”
“Oh, right!” He blushes, the red spreading over his cheeks to the tips of his ears. “Um, sure. Yes. That sounds great.”
“OK, cool.”
We stand there for a moment, his hand still on my arm. The bell rings, and we both jump and say a hurried goodbye, splitting in opposite directions for second period.
I think I know, now, what he’s going to tell me.
I think.
I hope.
By the end of last class, my stomach is in knots. If I didn’t know better, I’d think I had food poisoning. I race to the bathroom to offload an anxiety poop, then make my way to my locker. Down the hall, Forrest is cackling about something, probably goofing off with Stef or Alexander.
RUN,my brain says. I push the thought away, shut my locker, and head down the hall.
“Sidney!” Stef waves as I approach.
“Aren’t you about to miss your bus?” Forrest says to her, and flashes me a smile. “Hey.” The sound of his voice makes me grin automatically.
Stef sucks her teeth. “Trying to get rid of me?”
“Yes,” Forrest says. “Yes, I am.”
She eyes us both, first him, then me. “What are you up to tonight, Sidney?”
“Um. Hanging out with Forrest.” My voice comes out way higher than I intend.
“Oh!” She looks between us again. Forrest must not have told her. Why didn’t he tell her? “Have fuuuuu-uuuunnn,” she singsongs, backing away slowly.
