I like fruits,I say.Plus we’re all gay, so it works.
And it’s easy,Makayla adds.Just get a bunch of same-color clothes and maybe draw the fruit on our faces or something?
Yes. Perfect. Love it,Anna says.I’ll be an orange, I already have those tights.
I call lemons!Makayla says.
I’ll be a strawberry,I say.
Good job, team, Anna says.
I roll out of bed and pull on sweats and a fresh T-shirt, then head downstairs. Mom is gone, out with her friendsfor brunch, and on the table is a fresh loaf of banana bread, clearly Shar’s handiwork. I grab a slice and head out to the shop.
Shar is there, setting up. “Top of the morning to ya!” she says.
“This is really good.” I hold up the bread.
“Glad you like it. You still want to help with the bookcase today?”
I nod and scarf down the rest of the bread before putting on my protection gear. When I join her at the worktable, she’s laid out the lumber we sanded last week, along with a can of walnut-colored wood stain, tape, and a pack of small white microfiber squares.
“So, I lied last week,” she says. “I forgot we have to stain this puppy before we finish it. So no power tools.”
“That’s OK.”
“Great.” She measures the lumber and tapes off the places where the wood will be glued together later. Then she opens the can and dips one of the microfiber squares into the stain. I watch as she applies it to the wood in even strokes, then I do the same.
We work quietly for a while, the music playing in the background. The wood soaks up the stain nicely, the color slowly turning from light blond to a dark, ashy brown.
Shar clears her throat. “You seemed a little subdued when I picked you up last night.”
I’m quiet, focused on the wood. She’s right; even though I had a good time with my friends, the conversation with Jayden cast a shadow that never really faded. The pauses inour conversation felt heavier, my friends’ smiles and laughs a little too bright, like we were all trying to just move on. Because we should move on. It shouldn’t be a big deal.
“We usually do costumes together every year,” I say. “Well, since I met them freshman year. So we thought—well, Makayla and Anna and I thought—we’d do it again. But Jayden didn’t want to.”
Shar hums in acknowledgment, filling in the last of her wood with its first coat of stain.
“It’s stupid, like I shouldn’t even be upset,” I say, finishing mine and grabbing another. “But he waited until the last minute to tell us he wants to do his own thing. Whatever that means.” I move quicker and quicker over the lumber.
“Ouch,” Shar says.
“It’s fine. But like. He could have told us earlier. And I don’t get it. Why does he want to do his own thing? What’s so bad about doing a costume with all of us? Like, does he secretly not want to be friends with us anymore and just doesn’t know how to tell us?” My voice cracks, and my eyes fill with tears. I stop staining, staring down at the table.
“I doubt that,” Shar says gently, coming over to me and taking the pad from my hand. I look up at her; not by much, because she’s only slightly taller than me. Her dark brown eyes crinkle gently. “This is the age where people want to do their own thing sometimes. You’re all figuring out who you are, with each other and without.”
“Well, he doesn’tneedto figure it out without us,” I mumble.
She laughs. “I know that feeling.”
“I just...” My voice cracks again, and she opens her arms. I step into them, her hug enfolding me like the world’s best weighted blanket. “I just don’t want things to change.”
“I know.” She squeezes me. “Change is hard. But it’s going to be OK.”
I want to believe her. I want her hug to make me feel better. I want it to be enough. But it isn’t. She lets me go, and we keep working, and this feeling stays with me, the same feeling that’s followed me for years, right on the heels of my horrible thoughts like some medieval plague. Like my insides are crawling, buzzing, and I need to do something to make it go away.
So I remember the scene, the moment Jayden told us, and I scan it over and over. Every facial expression, every note and cadence of our words, looking for the hints, for the evidence, for the cracks.
Then I scan it again.
