“The Coming Out Party willhelpour budget,” he says. “And then we can do more of the shit you want to do.”
“How is it going to help our budget?”
He sighs. “We can have a raffle at the party. People come to the party, they have fun, they buy raffle tickets, we get money.” He speaks slowly, enunciating every word, as if I can’t understand him. I grit my teeth, fighting the urge to kick him.
“You didn’t say anything about fundraising last week,” I say.
He rolls his eyes. “Well, that’s because you kept interrupting me before I could.”
I take a deep breath, closing my eyes, so I won’t scream. When I open them, he’s still there, but now he’s smirking. He can see it, how he’s getting under my skin, and I hate that I let him. We’re silent, facing each other in the hallway as people chatter around us. “I interrupted you because I had important information to tell you,” I say icily. “Like dietary needs. Those matter.”
“I know they matter, my sister has celiac disease. I’ve been eating gluten-free bread since I was ten years old.” He spreads his hands. “Look, just give me a chance. I care about the club too.”
No you don’t,I want to say.Not like I do.His face at our table freshman year pops into my mind, lips curled back in a sneer, telling me my home, my life at this school is pointless. Until it wasn’t, conveniently, when he decided he wanted to be part of it. When it benefited him.
“I thought you just wanted something that looked good on your transcript,” I say.
He shrugs. “I mean, it will, not going to lie.”
I glare at him. “I’m hungry. I’m going to go eat with my friends,” I say. “Good talk.”
“Just think about it,” he calls after me, but I ignore him, speeding up until I’m around the corner.
“You OK?” Jayden asks when I arrive at our table, slightly out of breath, hand clenched around the handle of my lunch box.
I let out a huge sigh as I sit down. “I just talked to Forrest.”
“You willingly talked to Forrest?” Anna puts a hand on my forehead. “Who are you and what have you done with Sidney?”
“Semi-willingly,” I say. “He offered to meet before Queer Alliance every week. To hash things out so we don’t ruin club time.”
“That’s ...mature of him,” Anna says, sitting back.
“Oh no, he just tried to convince me to support his idea for the party the whole time,” I say. “I can’t believe people actually voted for him. I can’t believe I have to deal with him. He is so infuriating.”
“Maybe if you give him something he wants, it’ll get him off your back?” Jayden shrugs.
I groan, pressing my hands to my eyes under my glasses. I don’t want to give Forrestanything, not one single inch. This was supposed to be my year. I had so many ideas: discussion panels with important people from local nonprofits, alibrary exhibit during LGBTQ History Month in October, a documentary film series with Q&As afterward, things that would connect the rest of the school with our club and educate people at the same time. It felt like this was the one thing in my life I could count on, something I knew I would be good at, somewhere I knew I’d feel safe, no matter what else was happening. If I had Queer Alliance, if I could be president, if just one thing in my life was under my control, everything else would feel a little easier.
And now everything is crumbling, no matter how hard I work to keep it together.
“Time for round two?" Jayden asks, walking up beside me as I head toward Mr. Harrison’s classroom on Friday. He skips ahead, spinning to face me as he walks backward.
“What do you mean?”
“You and Forrest.” He throws a few fake punches. “Party versus panel. Pew pew!”
“Oh. Yeah.” I shift my backpack, tightening the straps. Images keep flashing in my head: Forrest and me, toe to toe in the center of the circle while everyone watches us shout at each other. Forrest pushing me, me pushing back. Mr. Harrison calling the office, security arriving, both of us at the principal’s, and then Mom’s face, pinched in disappointment because I let her down. Again. Jayden must hear the anxiety in my voice, because he slows his walk, coming to my side.
“Are you OK?” he asks.
I shake my head. My heart is pounding again, and I know I’m probably not having a heart attack, but what if I faint? I take a deep breath, just to make sure I can. Is that lightheadedness I’m feeling?
Jayden’s hand curls around my arm, stopping me in the hallway, and he draws me over to the side, next to a bank of lockers. “I’m sorry,” he says in a low voice. “I know you don’t like Forrest, but I didn’t realize it was this bad.”
“I just...” My voice cracks, and I turn away from the crowd, toward him, so people can’t tell how worked up I am. “I just want this year to be good.”
“It will be,” Jayden says, resting both hands on my shoulders. I look into his warm brown eyes, his forehead furrowed as he gazes at me. “Forrest is just one dumbass. Yeah, you have to share the presidency with him, but everyone knows how much you love this club. Don’t let him ruin that for you.” I nod, even though I don’t believe Jayden at all. I know he’s trying to help, but he has no idea what it’s like inside my head. The things I see that I have to make sure don’t come to pass. Because if they do, everything else might fall apart too, and I don’t know if I can handle that.
