I needed a release. Or a distraction.
And there was only one person who could distract me from Elizabeth. One person who managed to make me laugh and question my every thought.
I swapped out my work laptop for my gaming laptop.
@theanswerisno:
What are you up to?
17
LINCOLN
[78 weeks ago]
@pancakesareelite:
How do you make friends?
@theanswerisno:
Accidentally
@pancakesareelite:
That doesn’t help me
@theanswerisno:
Well, you accidentally became my friend. Didn’t that help?
@pancakesareelite:
More than you’ll ever know
Instead of preparing for my presentation or attending other sessions, I hid away in my room and lost myself to a few hours of gaming. With every click and every pixelated arrow released, my anxiety lessened until all I could think of was how much gold I’d make in-game after selling everything I’d found.
But I’d had to do it without Lily, which hindered my enjoyment by at least thirty-five percent.
I never double-texted anyone unless it was an emergency, but with Lily, it always felt welcomed. I sent her another message, despite my previous one being unread.
@theanswerisno:
Caught THE golden beetle while hunting. Would consider trading it for your presence. Ps. Are you okay? Been thinking about you lots.
If I could unsend it, I would.Aaaaahhhhhhh.Regret flooded my stomach.
The platform we chatted on didn’t allow message deletion. I shoved my phone face down, feeling a little exposed, vulnerable, and then all at once, stupid too.
Every now and then, something in my brain would snap and remind me that Lily, while a real human being, was notreal.
She wasn’t real enough to be here. To attend events with me. I couldn’t see her or hear her voice. I couldn’t, maybe, kiss her.
I shut my eyes and ran a hand over my face.Why am I thinking about this?
My phone buzzed, and I grabbed it at a speed fast enough to almost send it flying out of my grip.
Not Lily. It was the Game Night group chat.
