“So, we’re allowed to talk about Pancakes?” Shaun asked, walking into the living area with three cups of coffee.
Not Shaun as well. Did everyone know?
I slammed my laptop shut and held it in front of my face as a defense for whatever this was. I would kill Claire. “Where is Brutus, I meanClaire?”
A loud-pitched giggle escaped Rose, and then she paused. “Oh.”
Her voice tilted upward in a way that made me lower the laptop.
“She’s not coming. I thought she told you,” Rose said while finishing off another samosa.
“My phone died.” I dug into my pocket and retrieved the dead thing. I needed an upgrade, but I liked my current phone and all my apps and settings. It was easy enough to transfer data between phones nowadays but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
Shaun offered me a cup of coffee and a power cable, fueling me and my phone simultaneously.
As soon as my phone turned on, all of Claire’s messages came flying through. “Oh. I see now.”
I wasn’t sure what to do next. I rarely attended game night without her, and to be honest, I didn’t know how. Navigating social situations was always a bit awkward for me.
“Well, I, for one, am glad you came, because those are delicious.” Rose pointed at the bag of samosas on her way over to the board game shelf.
I tried my best to pull myself into the present and be with the people around me. Some days were easier than others. Today wasn’t the easiest. I’d used up all my social capacity figuring out how to speak to my intern.
William appeared in the flesh and dipped his chin in my direction. “Always good to seetheanswerisnolurking in my streams and then immediately in person afterward. Didn’t think you’d come tonight.”
I wouldn’t have if I’d known Claire wasn’t going to be here. But saying that would come across in the wrong way. They didn’t understand. They were charming, lovable people, and I was… I don’t know what I was. But analyzing every social interaction and figuring out the appropriate way to respond was exhausting.
“Aha!” Rose pulled a box off the shelf and then lifted it in the air. “It’s my turn to pick, and I’m picking Jenga.”
“That’s usually Lincoln’s I’ve-had-a-stressful-day choice.” Shaunstood and walked over to their bedroom door. “I’m going to wake Neema, but”—he turned to face me—“everything all right?”
“Um…” I didn’t want to talk about the hundreds of open tabs in my brain.
“This game is my pick,” Rose said with a wide and gentle smile. “Lincoln’s fine.”
I nodded, grateful for the save. I wasn’t fine. I was uncomfortable and still reeling from discussing Lily. But I would be.
Rose scooched beside me and offered me the box. “I know you like setting it up, and I’m sorry for pushing. I’ll never bring her up again unprovoked, okay?”
“Okay.”
With each block, my discomfort faded. I snuck a glance at Rose, William, Shaun, and Neema chatting away and giving me the space I needed. I wasn’t always good at being with people, but maybe some people knew how to be good with me.
Like Lily, who had no reason to wait up for me other than knowing I’d wait up for her too.
6
ELIZABETH
[98 weeks ago]
@pancakesareelite:
What do you do when you’re getting anxious?
@theanswerisno:
Can’t get anxious if you stay anxious
