“Is this your old PlayStation?” she asked, and reached for the other controller.
My dad’s controller.
“Technically, yes. But also, no.” I found myself grinning. “My dad convinced my mom that it was a present for me, but he stuck it in here. We caught him playing when I wasn’t around.”
Elizabeth giggled against my side.
With shaking hands, I turned on the console, wondering whether it would even work, whether it would still have the saved game stored.
It did. The game loaded, and on the screen, up came the last scene we’d played together inReturn of the King. Transported back in time, I was given a chance to do what I didn’t do back then.
My throat all but closed up after I got the next few lines out. “Lily, do you want to finish this game with me?”
53
ELIZABETH
[10 weeks ago]
@theanswerisno:
Hey, Pancakes?
@pancakesareelite:
Hmm?
@theanswerisno:
Thank you for always being around
@pancakesareelite:
Anytime. Every time. All the time.
“I thought you’d never ask,” I said.
Lincoln slid off the couch and onto the cushion near the TV. I joined him on the other cushion, wanting to be as close as possible. Soft vulnerability came off him in waves.
“I haven’t played this before,” I said. But I’d seen the movie, so at the very least the concepts weren’t entirely foreign.
“You’ll catch on quickly,” he said, his voice an echo of what it usually was. “I’ve seen you jump headfirst into far more complicated games.”
The half smile on his lips tempted me, but I stayed put.
As if reading my mind, he kissed my shoulder but then turned his attention back to the game. “My dad was my first Player Two. He was the first person who introduced me to games, and when he was around, I didn’t need anyone else. I didn’t need friends.” He swallowed, his eyes fixed on what was happening in the game.
I kept moving too. Slashing. But my focus was on Lincoln.
“My dad was always there and ready to play a game with me. Even when he was tired or stressed.”
Like Link was for me.
“And this was the last game we’d played. This was the last thing I’d done with him before we went to the store and never made it there.” His voice broke. “If we’d played a second longer. If we’d left a second earlier…” He dipped his head, his knuckles whitening around the controller. “Maybe he wouldn’t have been standing there when that driver lost control. Maybe if I hadn’t gone with him, he wouldn’t have worried about me. Maybe…”
I hit pause and took the controller from his hands before wrapping his big figure in my arms. His tears dampened my clothing and sank into my skin. I tightened my grip, pulling him closer. For a few minutes, I could barely tell where I ended and where he began because Lincoln’s pain became my own as my heart cracked open, letting all of him in. All of his grief. All of his love. All of the things he didn’t like about himself.
I loved all of Lincoln Carden, and I always would.
