We stood for long, painful, perfect moments, my head on her shoulder, her hand stroking my hair.
My mother cleared her throat. “Yes, well.” She patted me briskly and stepped back. “Let’s move that desk now.”
Together, we carried my childhood desk through the backyard and into the shed. Moving forward. And not alone.
—
Daanis straightened fromthe laundry basket, pressing one hand to her enormous baby bump.
“Should you sit down or something?” I asked.
We were organizing shower gifts, washing and folding tiny undershirts and little sleepers with snaps. Rose was helping, running back and forth to the nursery with neatly sorted piles of clothes, occasionally dropping them on the floor.
Daanis flapped a onesie, waving away the suggestion.“The doctor says movement is good for the baby. I didn’t sleep well last night, that’s all.”
“I’m sure everything will be fine,” I said, because she was going into the hospital tomorrow and it was my job to be reassuring.
Honestly, I wasn’t sure at all. I mean, what did I know? But she needed to hear the words, and maybe I did, too.
My mind kept replaying a memory loop of Joe, that night in the workshop. “Anybody can be replaced,” he’d said, his arms crossed, his face closed off, and my heart had ached for him, but also I wanted to smack him over the head with a two-by-four.
If only he would talk to me…But, no, he had to be Mr.Strong and Silent. Understandable, given that he’d had to grow up at a very young age. (“I have responsibilities,” ghost Joe said in my head.) But I was here; I was staying, at least until I figured out my next steps. And in the past week, he hadn’t even given me a chance to tell him so. He still walked Hailey to work every morning, but he no longer lingered over coffee. He hardly made eye contact. My chest ached.
Daanis stroked her stomach. “I’m just impatient to meet this little girl.”
I swallowed, pulling my mind from Joe. “And then you won’t sleep at all,” I teased.
Her laugh broke in the middle. “I wish Zack were home.”
Zack had been working crazy hours for the past month so he could have time off when the baby came.
I grabbed her hand across the laundry basket. “I’m here.”
“I’m glad. Oof.” She winced, squeezing my hand hard. “That was a big one.”
“Um. Are you okay?”
She nodded tightly. “Just a Braxton-Hicks contraction.”
She would know. She’d been through this before. “Let me get you some water. For the baby elephant.”
Her fingers tightened on mine. “Can you just stay with me?”
A great wave of love washed over me. “I’m not going anywhere,” I promised. Now, I thought, was the perfect moment to tell her. “I quit my job. I’m not going back to Chicago.”
“That’s…Wow.” She dropped her gaze, picking at the fabric stretching over her stomach. “Really?”
My brow furrowed. “I thought you’d be glad.”
“I am! You know I want you to move back home.”
“I hear a ‘but.’ ”
“It’s only…You were so sure you didn’t want to move for Chris.”
“Because he never asked me. He just kind of absorbed me into his plans without ever talking to me about what I wanted. My saying yes was just a formality.”
“Okay.” She moved restlessly. Raised her eyes to mine. “I’m wondering where Joe fits in all this.”
