Tim, who had spent the evening quietly refilling glasses, went downstairs, taking the chairs we had borrowed with him.
I beamed at her. I was happy. And thankful. Could I finally be finding my place?
—
How can you not be coming home for Christmas?” Toni asked. “You promised.”
I winced at the phone. “I said I’d try.” Which wasn’t good enough, I knew. Our mother used to try, too. “But Glenda asked me to help out over the holidays. I can’t say no.”
“You could if you wanted to.”
Guilt stabbed my chest. I really couldn’t.
For one thing, plane tickets at the holidays were ridiculously expensive. Plus, the Nortons were leaving on their annual ski vacation and wanted me to come along.
“Consider it an early Christmas present,” Glenda had said. “You can room with Lily and Sophie. The girls will be on the slopes most of the day, so you’ll hardly be working at all. You need to purchase your own lift ticket, of course.”
“But I don’t ski.”
“Even better.” She’d smiled. “You can go shopping. Get a massage. I want you to enjoy yourself. As long as you’re with the girls in the evening, you can do whatever you want. It’s a wonderful opportunity for you.”
I imagined myself reading a book by the fire, sipping on hot buttered rum. But telling Toni I was ditching her to go to a resort in the Alps would only make things worse. “How about I come home over spring break?”
“It’s not the same,” Toni said.
No, it wasn’t. We’d never spent Christmas apart. “Or you could come see me. After New Year’s,” I suggested. When I got back from the Nortons’ vacation. “I’ll buy your ticket.” Fares went down after January 3rd. I’d checked online already.
“If I haven’t dropped out by then,” Toni muttered.
I rubbed my forehead. “Sweetie, you can’t run away from your problems.”
“You did.”
Another stab, deeper than the first. “You’re right. I’m sorry. What can I do?”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Toni...”
“I’ll take care of it,” Toni said.
Which only made me worry more.
But my life didn’t allow for too many distractions. My assessments loomed—a structural outline and short story due in January and a five-thousand-word essay on something (I was still figuring that part out) after that. Plus, I had to help the girls pack for their trip. I browsed the bookstalls to find graphic novels for Lily and took Sophie to football. Her last game was on Saturday. I didn’t have to go, since Glenda had decided to attend the final game of the season. But I wanted to cheer Sophie on. Besides, I was eager to see Sam before we left for Switzerland.
He was not, apparently, equally excited to see me.
“So.” I inched closer on the sidelines, breathing in his unique Sam smell, tea and newsprint. “Any special plans for Christmas?”
He stuck his hands into his pockets. “Not really.”
“Claire mentioned she’d seen you around.”
“She’s been into the shop a few times,” Sam said, his eyes still on the game.
“I thought you were maybe, um, seeing each other or something.”
“I’m not exactly her type.”
