Not that I wanted him to. It’s just there was this moment on the front porch when Tim stood there, looking at me, where I’d thought... You know. That he might. Instead, I’d hugged him, stiff and upright as a tin soldier, and then—before I could embarrass him or myself anymore—run away.
I turned to bolt the front door behind me, my face hot. It was only a hug. Friends hugged each other all the time, right? He’d been so nice all evening, letting me into his space, fetching ice for my elbow, feeding me Chelsea buns and wine. He made me feel comfortable. Safe. Probably because he felt sorry for me, but still. He’d acted like a friend. A real friend, not the with-benefits kind. Nope, that position in his life was clearly reserved for Laura Formerly from London.
A single lamp shone from the living room. Glenda left a light on, I thought, smiling at her thoughtfulness. I went in to turn it off before going up to bed.
“You’re out late.”
I jumped.
James sprawled in a leather chair, nursing a crystal glass of whiskey.
I pressed a hand to my rapidly beating heart. “Sorry. I thought I was the only one here.”
“Almost. I’m quite, quite alone. Come in.”
I froze, my mind spinning with stupid comparisons.“ ‘Will you walk into my parlour?’ said the Spider to the Fly.”Or Rochester to Jane:“ ‘Draw your chair still a little farther forward... ’ ”
Except James Norton wasn’t going to eat me. And Glenda Norton was no mad wife, conveniently disposed of in the attic.
I needed to get a grip.
“Care for a nightcap?” James asked.
An alarm chimed distantly in the back of my head. “Oh. No, thank you. I was just going up.”
“I suppose you were out with the boyfriend. I assume there is a boyfriend?” he inquired with fatherly interest.
Or not so fatherly. “I heard there was a problem with the last au pair,” Reeti had warned. “I’d watch out if I were you.”
But how did I tell my employer/mentor’s husband that my personal life was none of his business?
“Glenda said it would be all right if I went out sometimes. After the girls were finished for the night.”
“Of course, of course. I simply meant a pretty young girl like you has better ways to spend her time than entertaining an old man like me.”
“You’re not that old,” I assured him.
He smiled, raising his glass in a silent toast. I flushed, annoyed at how easily I’d been drawn into playing his game. Why did Idothat? Pandering to his male ego, taking care of his feelings instead of listening to my own.
“You deserve better,” said a voice like Tim’s.
“You’re right, though,” I said. “Idohave things to do.”
I turned and went upstairs, gripping the banister, forcing myself to take the steps slow and steady.Notrunning away. A strategic retreat.
I locked my bedroom door, feeling foolish at the precaution. I hadn’t done that for a long time. Not since Toni and I went to stay with our mother’s friend Cindy, the one whose boyfriend wanted Toni to sit on his lap.Better safe than sorry, I told myself then. I’d always had to protect my little sister.
Maybe I could learn to protect myself better, too.
I picked up my phone. Reread Gray’s text.The semester started and you’re not here.
How did I reply to that? Should I reply to that? He’d ghosted me for months. His silence had been a kind of death, a fall into a dark chasm—like the silence after my mom had died, a void without an echo.
I hesitated. Typed,I read you’re casting on Destiny. Congratulations.Hitsend. There, I thought with a flash of satisfaction. That was adult. Neutral. Noncommittal. Done.
Almost immediately, three dots appeared. Gray, typing his reply. I held my breath.None of them will be you.
My breath whooshed out. Which was... What did thatmean? He used to tell me I was special. “I can’t imagine my life without you in it,” he’d said. Did he miss me now?
