Charles waved away his justification. “She told me once that even before the war, there was always a piece of you you wouldn’t share. Locked away in that cold tin heart.”
“You’re telling me she slept with you to get my attention.”
“To get some reaction, yeah, mate. She wanted to feel something. But she wanted to see if you would feel something, too.”
“Don’t you want to be with me?” Dee had whispered, and he’d said... He couldn’t remember what he’d said.
Tim rubbed his face with his hand. At least she hadn’t gone off and slept with the coffee guy. Although... He couldn’t blame her if she did. Not after what he’d said. Not after everything he’d failed to say.
“What’s your excuse?” Tim asked. “Mate.”
“Christ, man, you know Laura. You had her. I knew she was out of my league. But I thought she wanted me. Until she threw me out like day-old fish because I wasn’t you. Ruined my fucking life, the pair of you.”
“Laura isn’t to blame for your poor decisions.” Dee had said that.And neither am I.It wasn’t until Charles glared at him that Tim realized he’d said the words out loud.
“Never got over it, did I?”
“Why would you?” Tim asked. “As long as you can make everything about Laura, you don’t have to deal with the rest of it.”
“I’m not cut out for civilian life.”
“You shouldn’t have left the army, then.”
“No choice. I drank too much. I drink too much. Unfit for duty, they said.”
“Everybody drinks.”
“Not everybody runs a jeep into a guard post.” He peered at Tim. “What?”
“Nothing.”Not nothing. “Just... You never told me.”
“Because you don’t listen.”
“No.” To his shame. Easier to dismiss Charles as a drunk, a clown, a cheat, than to confront his own failures as a friend.“I can make some calls. Get you an appointment. Drive you to meetings, if you want.”
“Tim Woodman to the rescue. Again.”
“I’m not that guy.” Tim frowned. “Am I?”
“You can be.” Charles drank. “My best pal. My fucking crutch. Makes it damn hard to play the hero.”
“Charles needs to be the hero of his own story,” Dee had said.
Christ. “You are the hero,” Tim said. “You saved my life.”
“That’s why they let me off. I didn’t tell you that, either. General discharge, as long as I went away quietly. Because I was a fucking hero. To them, to you, to Laura. On top of the world. I was happy, you know?”
“I know.”
“And now I’m just a fuck-up,” Charles said sadly.
“You need to let that go,” Tim said. “Lean on me while you find your feet. But you’re going to have to walk on your own.”
“I just loved her so much.”
Tim didn’t say anything.
Charles sighed. “Right. I guess... I want to be the bloke I was when I was with her.”
