“Ah yes, Dee.” Gray smiled at me, all warmth and teeth. “I had her first. When she was at Kansas. We worked together quite closely for a while. I’ve missed her.”
Oscar choked into his glass. Maeve scowled. The dean cleared his throat.
Glenda floated into my vision, wearing pink cashmere and a hard, cool expression. “Excuse me, Richard. We seem to be running low on wine. Dee, would you mind giving Shauna a hand...?”
I seized on the excuse, desperate to leave the pull of Gray’s orbit. “Yes. I mean, no. I don’t mind. I... I’ll be right back.”
“Bring me something, will you, darling,” Gray called after my retreating back. “You know what I like.”
Looks from around the lobby licked at me like flames. My throat, my face, my whole body burned.
“Holy shit,” Shauna breathed as we made our way to the half kitchen. “Are you okay?”
Tears welled at the sympathy in her voice. I couldn’t make eye contact. How much did she know? Or guess?
“Actually, I feel kind of sick,” I said, not looking at her. “Would it be all right if I went home?”
“God, yes. Do you know what he wants?”
I jerked as if she’d jabbed me. “What?”
“Kettering’s drink. What does he want?”
“Oh.” The years I’d spent keeping track of his preferences, catering to his needs, rose up. “Vodka martini. Grey Goose.”
She rolled her eyes. “So, red or white?”
“Red,” I said, and fled.
—
I let myself quietly into the apartment, hoping I could say my good nights and escape to the room I shared with Toni.
Reeti looked up from the Monopoly board. “You’re home early.”
“Good. Let’s start over.” Toni waved a game token in the air. “I saved you the boot.”
I managed a smile. “Thanks, but I... I don’t want to interrupt your game. You guys carry on. I think I’ll go to bed.”
“I can’t. I’m out. Tim and his stupid hotels,” Toni said.
Rows of property cards and pastel play money were neatlystacked in front of Tim. He ignored them, his gaze focusing on my face. “What’s wrong?”
I opened my mouth. Closed it.
Reeti’s eyes narrowed. “Sit,” she commanded. “I’ll get you some chai.”
“Something stronger,” Fiadh said. “From the look of her.”
“No, really,” I protested weakly. “I just...” The effort of pretending that everything was all right stuck in my throat.
They weren’t falling for my act anyway.
“Dodo?” Toni’s voice was higher, like a child’s.
“You might as well talk to us,” Reeti said. “We won’t leave you alone until you do.”
I was hemmed in, pinned, by the pressure of their attention.
