I folded my arms. “You know what Idon’tneed? I don’t need you to preach at me right now.”
“No,” Ash agreed. Another surprise. He gave me a small, self-deprecating smile. “My own words just seem so inadequate.”
“Compared to Paul?”
“Compared to Scripture, yes. Or to you.”
I felt myself thawing, softening. It had been years since we had talked. Really talked. “You weren’t so tongue-tied when we were dating.”
“I was always awkward. But you were so warm. So interested in everything.”
I snorted. “I threw myself at you, you mean.”
His gaze was steady. “You were easy to talk to. I appreciated that.”
“Until you came home from Iraq. You wouldn’t talk to me then.”
“You made it clear you didn’t need my advice. You had everything under control.”
I flushed in acknowledgment. “Better than letting everything fall apart. I had to take care of the girls. The farm. We had a routine.”
“Which didn’t include me.”
I waved my hands. “You should have said something.”
“Why? The girls were thriving. The farm was thriving. You were doing an excellent job. Better than I would do.”
“You could have told me how you felt.”
“I didn’t want to burden you.”
“So you shut me down.”
“I protected you.”
“From what, for heaven’s sake?”
“From me. From the things that I saw. The stories I heard. It’s difficult enough for me to express emotions. Even the positive ones. I didn’t want all that ugliness to spill on you and the children.”
“You don’t have any trouble talking to other people—your soldiers at the mission.”
“Because I don’t take part in their lives or their problems. I can listen, I can sympathize, and still keep a safe distance. I put up barriers to insulate myself.” He smiled wryly. “I might be a better counselor without them.”
“You’re an excellent counselor,” I said.
“A better husband, then.”
“I admire what you do for others. But you had nothing left for us. I was yourwife.”
“Youaremy wife.”
“Well, it sure didn’t feel like it most of the time.”
“It did a month ago.”
After Jo’s wedding.
I felt a flash of heat, embarrassment or desire. “That was a mistake.”
