“But Talar?” Ani said, her voice unsteady, her throat tight. A familiar weight pressed against her chest. “I just—do you know the reason I didn’t tell you about the debt?”
“Uh—” Talar was at a loss, and she appeared uncomfortable.
Ani’s pulse drummed in her ears. She swallowed hard and took a deep breath, forcing air into her lungs, trying to steady herself before the words tumbled out. “Because you guys—you, Mom, and Bab—won’t just let me be the big sister. I feel like I have to be perfect, that I have so much to live up to. You, your constant success, Mom and Bab’s ideal relationship. Making a mistake this big, it felt like confirmation that I was the dunce of the family.”
As soon as she said it, a wave of vulnerability washed over her, leaving her raw and exposed. She wasn’t sure how Talar would take it. In fact, Talar didn’t say anything.
But then Ani saw the tears forming in her sister’s eyes. “Is that how I’ve been making you feel?”
Now Ani felt her own eyes getting hot and wet. “Yes,” she whispered.
Although they were close, the two sisters never talked about anything too heavy, preferring to stick to lighter topics, inside jokes, and the like. They especially never discussedtheirrelationship.
On the screen, Talar’s face crumpled. She blinked rapidly, then tears slipped down her cheeks in shimmering streaks. She wiped at them with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. When she finally spoke, her voice was thick with emotion. “I’m sorry, Ani. I know I can be a little—you know, a little domineering.” She let out a short, unsteady laugh, then pressed her lips together, shaking her head as more tears escaped.
“With Mom and Bab all caught up in themselves, I felt like I had to be loud and bossy and successful to be noticed by them. When you said you feel this pressure to be perfect, I feel that, too,” she admitted, her voice breaking. “And I’m sorry that you got caught up in my, I don’t know, my personality. I sensed it but thought it was fine, and now hearing you say that, I just— I’m so embarrassed, so sorry. I care about you. And I miss you. I’m sadder than—”
She broke off, covering her face with one hand.
Wow.
Ani stared at the screen, momentarily stunned. So the way Talar acted was also in response to Mom and Bab. It all made sense.
But more than that, Talar had apologized. Without deflecting, without getting defensive, without brushing aside Ani’s feelings. She had acknowledged the hurt she had caused, even if she hadn’t meant to. That alone was staggering. God, she was lucky to have a sibling like Talar.
A lump formed in Ani’s throat. She had spent years feeling like the little sister, like the one lagging behind, never quite catching up. But now Talar wasn’t standing above her, looking down—she was beside her, admitting that she, too, had been struggling in her own way.
What had that last part been about, when she cut herself off? Was it because of Ani? Or something else?
Ani studied her sister’s face, the way her eyes shone, her breath still uneven, as if she was holding back. “Areyouokay? Besides me. And thank you for saying all that. I care so much about you, too. So that’s why I’m asking…”
Talar gave her a sad smile. “I’m figuring things out. I’ll fill you in soon, I promise.”
“Okay,” Ani said, holding her gaze, making sure she knew she meant it. “But you know I’m here for you, right?”
“Yes,” she said, her voice a little steadier this time. “Definitely.”
Just then, Ani got a text from Kami. She saw it flash over her FaceTime with Talar but didn’t have message previews on. Then another one came in quick succession.
“Hey, Talar, can I call you back?”
“Sure,” Talar said. “Ani, I love you.”
Ani sat with that for a moment. It wasn’t that they never said the words—they did often, in passing, in casual goodbyes—but this felt different. It was so unexpected but so needed. “I love you, too, kourig,” she said. “Sister.”
She hung up and let out a deep breath, taking in the emotions and holding back the tears. She’d kept them all in for so many days. She wanted to let them go but wasn’t fully able to. She couldn’t just have a good cry.
There was always something more to do. Always another call to make, another thing demanding her attention. If she stopped, even for a second, she’d fall behind. Or have to face her feelings, which was too terrifying. And now Kami needed her.
So instead of breaking down, she swallowed hard, wipedat her eyes before anything could spill over, and got ready to talk to her ex.
Ani tapped on her messages and read what Kami sent.Hey girl, can you give me a quick call? Nothing bad I pinkie promise!
Ani’s stomach clenched.
Nothing bad. That was supposed to be reassuring, but the fact that Kami even had to say it made Ani uneasy.
Nevertheless, Ani hit call before she could second-guess herself.
