Find a new agent
I tap my pencil on the table. Everything feels so monumentally in disarray; thiscan’tbe all I need to do in order to fix it. But then—a new manuscript? I could barely even work my way through thelastmanuscript without a significant assist from Colin. And it was far from done by the time this whole fiasco happened. I guess this is in keeping with my last list that went by the same title, written approximately six months ago. It read:
Things I Need to Do to Fix My Fucked-Up Life
Find a new fiancé
Get a house
Have a baby
Well. Perhaps list-making is not my strong suit.
I need to really clear my mind and think about this.How can I clear my mind?I wonder.How can I get to a Zen-like state of relaxation so that the answer can take shape before me, like a cloud that develops out of thin air?
Of course!
Yoga!
I check the schedule online. Kiki’s teaching in her studio in the village today. Her first class is at 6:30. This is perfect—I have just under two hours to get myself together and get into the city.
I brush my teeth, feed Dorian Gray, and change into workout clothes. Then, I tie my hair up into a bun and put on just enough makeup not to look ghastly. I grab my rolled-up yoga mat from the closet and head out for the subway. I take the B train into Manhattan. I’m surprised by how many people I see on the subway so early in the day. I feel like one of those super-healthy people who works out before going into some swanky Manhattan office.
This must be what Colin is like in the morning, I think, smiling.
When I get to the studio, Kiki isnothappy to see me, but I explain that I’m going through something right now and I really need to relax and IpromiseI’ll take it seriously this time, so she lets me stay. Which is no surprise. Tori would kill her if she cast me back out into Washington Square Park in my fragile condition.
Exactly one hour and dozens of poses later, I am basking in the sunshine of another gorgeous spring day, and I actually feel okay. The stretching coupled with the calming music miraculously eased my nerves a bit, it seems. I spot a smoothie café across the street and decide that Gracie 4.0 deserves a healthy treat. I choose a Green Detox, which looks a little suspect on the menu board but touts its powers of rejuvenation and clearheadedness. The young hipster in therainbow apron hands it to me with a smile that says,Cheers to you, Gracie.
I pluck the top with a straw and take a sip.Ugh!It’s horrendous—the explosion of kale in my mouth makes sperm taste good by comparison.
I can’t believe I just spent nine dollars on this garbage.
Nine dollars is a lot of money to spend on one’s health, and since I know that noteveryonewould find such a concoction repulsive, I decide to do something generous and nice with it.
I head back down into the subway and grab the 6 train uptown. I figure I’ll surprise Colin with a Green Detox smoothie as a thank you for his sweet email and to show him that we’ll be okay, even though I’m in a bit of a crazed state at the moment. By the time I get to the law offices of Aycock and Yarmouth, it’s just after 8:30, and I’m greeted by an elderly, but pleasant, receptionist.
“Is Colin here?” I ask.
“I’m sorry,” she replies, checking his calendar on her computer. “It looks like he won’t be in until this afternoon. Did you have an appointment scheduled?” she wonders.
“No, no,” I say. “I didn’t. I was just stopping by to surprise him with a smoothie.” I lean in and whisper, “I’m his girlfriend.”
She smiles. I don’t know her name, but I feel like he told it to me once. She looks like someone who should be named after a flower: Rose, Iris, Lily, or the like. “I can put this in the fridge for him, if you’d like me to,” she offers.
“That would be wonderful,” I say. “Thank you.”
She nods and gives me a wink, taking the perspiring cup from me.
“Have a great day,” I say.
“You too, dear,” she calls out after me.
Well, that was nice.I’m beginning to see things more clearly. All is not lost. I’m a good writer. I’ll find a new agent. I’ll have a solid nest eggfromReckless Outlawand that will buy me some time. Plus, I have a great boyfriend who is funny, kind, gorgeous, and can write one hell of an email when he wants to.
Everything is going to be okay, I tell myself, walking out of the building and into the sunshine.
Colin
