“Right?! So, I’m about to lose my shit, because I’m piecing together in my head how it is that thisthiefgave me the goddamn clap in myown fucking bedand then, to add insult to injury, ran off with a $10,000 ring that I bought and three flat screen televisions.”
“Holy shit,” I say. “That’s wild.”
“Wait! It gets even worse!”
“No way.”
“She takes off her sunglasses and, I swear, she looks like a drug addict, her eyes are so bloodshot. Then she grabs my face and tries to kiss me!”
“Oh, no!”
“Yes! She launches into this diatribe about how she made a huge mistake and how she never should have left me and that she’s not into girls anymore and she just wants a second chance. You don’t understand—she washysterical—saying that she can’t be alone in that house because Sandy has the key and what if she comes back and tries to steal more things?”
“So, what did you do?”
“Well, first, I pushed her away. And then, I told her to change the locks and that this is her own damn fault for getting involved like that with a stranger she met online. I mean, really—I’m fine with online dating, but if someone sounds shady, you don’tmovethem into your brand-new house!”
“Damn. That’s nuts. So, then what happened?”
“I went back into the real estate office, apologized to Lydia, and told her we would need to reschedule. Then, I called a locksmith and told her to go home and meet him. That’s it. Then I left,” he says. “I was going to drive back to the office, but I was hungry and royally pissed—”
“Mmm. Never a good combination,” I say.
“Seriously. So, I went to a bagel store, got something to eat, and read your pages.” He laughs. “Which made me feel surprisingly better.”
I nod, chewing. “I can see how maybe you’re not having the greatest day,” I say between bites of bread and dip.
“Right?” he says. “I mean, I’m trying not to consider the fact that all the televisions that I bought—and there were three left after the one I took!—are all gone. And the ring! My God, that thing cost me almost a month’s worth of take-home pay,” he says. “But it’s just money. It can’t buy you happiness, Lord knows.”
“Amen,” I say.
“I’m just reeling with disgust. First, her ‘gift’ gives me all kinds of unsavory symptoms in my downstairs. Then, my house gets robbed. Worse, she thinks she can throw herself at me and fix everything?” he asks incredulously.
“Normal doesn’t understand crazy.”
“You ain’t kidding.”
“I’m sorry though. That all sucks.”
“Thanks. It’s been a day, that’s for sure.”
Ginger delivers the gyros but leaves the platter in the middle of the table so we can continue to pick at it. She sets the plate of fries down next to it. The ceramic plates are enormous, and the portions are out of control. The food smells amazing though, and I know if I pace myself, I can at least make a dent in it.
“Well, you wanted a story, am I right?” he says.
“Huh?”
“This crazy-ass story!” he says. “Feel free to use it. It’s a hell of a plotline, right?”
“I mean, maybe. I’ve never written anything like this, but—”
“But it’s good, right? You should totally use it.”
I pause. He seems intent, which is weird.Iwouldn’t want to put my personal shit on blast like this. I’m not sure what his angle is.
“Are you sure, Colin?”
He nods. “Definitely.”
