“Yeah. I completely understand,” he says. “But, so, explain. How is it affecting your writing?”
“Ugh,” I begin. “I just can’t think of anything creative that’s not ultimately fueled by my anger. And romance novels are supposed to be sexy and fun.Lightreading. Not angsty and morose. I used to love writing them. But now…well, now, I just feel like I’m suffering from a never-ending case of impostor syndrome.”
“How do you figure?”
“Like, who am I to even be trying to write this stuff? It’s clearly not any indication of how my life is turning out.”
“Hmm.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“No. Tell me.”
“Help me understand. When you say ‘romance novels,’ are you talking about the little shiny paperback books with the half-naked firemen on the front?”
I laugh. “Sometimes, yes.”
“So, you feel like an impostor because you’re not currently hooked up with a jacked-up fireman?”
“Or a cowboy, or a man of the law, or—”
“Or an old high school flame?” he interjects.
“That’d be a hard pass.” I laugh, but the comment feels the tiniest bit flirty.
He pauses, then recovers. “I always wondered about those books. Do people actuallybuythem?”
“You’d be surprised. Lots of people love them.”
“Huh.”
“My guess is they’re not all estate attorneys—and probably not men—but, yeah. People read them.”
“Do you like writing them?”
“Usually, I really do.” I think about this. “Well, Iusedto. Since Scott…” I leave the remainder of the sentence inside my mind, where I can’t consider it as a reality.
“Whatwouldyou like?”
“To write? Good question. I don’t know.” I take a breath. “A story about someone who’s been hurt, maybe? And how she recovers from it.”
“LikeHow Stella Got Her Groove Back?”
I stifle a laugh. “Personal favorite of yours?”
“No. I just don’t live under a rock. I know about movies, thank you very much.”
“I’m not mad, I’m just noticing. Plus,Stellais a classic.”
“So then why not just write that instead?”
“Well, because of the deal on the table. And the crazy deadline. Despite how upper echelon I may sound, I’m not exactly rich, Colin.”
He laughs. “I get it. Hey, I have an idea.”
“What’s that?”
