They say carbs will do that.
I get up, navigate my way to the bathroom in the dark, flip on the switch, and look in the mirror. I pull my hair into a ponytail and wash my face, the scent of Noxema cold cream coaxing me awake. (What? It reminds me of my childhood.)
I head back to the scene of the crime. It’s okay. These things happen, I remind myself as I wrap up the remaining pizza in tinfoil.
I sit back down at my computer. The clock in the lower right-hand corner reminds me that it’s 12:27 a.m. Normal people are asleep.
Where did I leave off? I exit out ofSchitt’s Creekand look at the open windows on my screen.
Oh, shit. I left him hanging.
Well, good for me! Makes me look uninterested. Aloof. Busy. I mean, hedoessound amazing, between his thoughts on “the sanctity of marriage” (Really? What man speaks like that?) and the fact that he’s currently STD-free. Although, that little nugget was an eyebrow-raiser. For. Sure.
So, is it weird for me to write Colin back now? In the middle of the night?
Nah. Not if I’m still technicallyworking.
To:Colin Yarmouth ([email protected])
FROM:Grace Landing ([email protected])
SUBJECT:Good night
Hey,
Sorry for the delayed response. I got caught up.
Okay, that’s a lie. I fell asleep—and I just woke up. Hey, don’t judge! I figure if you can tell me about your recent run-ins with the clap, I can be honest about an accidental evening snooze lol.
My drink of choice? I mean, if we’re sharing, let’s just say you and I would be polar opposites at a cocktail party. You would be all spiffed up in a sport coat drinking a fine vermouth discussing legalese, and I would be by the snack table slugging back anything sour: Midori sour, amaretto sour, even a whiskey sour if no other options exist. I also like mudslides and pina coladas. Basically, I like my alcohol totaste as much like movie theater candy as possible. I’m not a fan of beer and I feel like wine is just people being careless with the sell-by date on what could have been some really good grape juice. And the only reason I’m telling you all of this is because I feel like we have zero boundaries now that I know your nads are infested with pubic lice. Just kidding!!
Anyway, I guess I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Or later today, actually.
Have a good night!
Grace
Well. Now what? It’s obvious I won’t be going back to sleep anytime soon. I guess I should get back to writing. I head into the kitchen to grab a glass of water—anything more than that and my stomach will explode—when I hear ading. My phone is on the desk, next to the laptop. I check it before sitting down.
No way.
To:Grace Landing ([email protected])
FROM:Colin Yarmouth ([email protected])
RE:Good night
Hey,
Are you still up?
Colin
If this was Scott, I would’ve assumed it was a booty call. But Colin Yarmouth isnothinglike Scott, thank God.
TO:Colin Yarmouth ([email protected])
FROM:Grace Landing ([email protected])
