“No, Scott,” I said. “It wasn’t. It was anythingbutspecial.”
“How could you say that?” he asked, dropping his heavy head down onto the table with a thud. “We were like magic.”
If it was magic, I would be able to make you disappear, I thought. Then, I remembered a line from Mrs. A.It is easier to catch bees with honey than it is with shit.
I pulled up the Uber app on my phone. “What’s your address again?” I asked him sweetly.
“What? Why?”
“So that I can come visit more, honey. I’ve really missed you,” I said,trying to offer a convincing look. “I know I might have sounded a little bit mean, but really, my feelings have just been sort of hurt, you know?”
He gave me a puzzled look, then decided I was serious. “2489 Holmdel Road,” he said. “IsaidI’m sorry.”
“Right. Of course you did. And I forgive you,” I said. “That’s in Merrick, right?”
“Yeah. It’s not far from the train. I could come pick you up.”
Inside, I was dying at the thought of ever visiting this schmuck at his house with his wife and newly mintedstepchild. But I nodded and typed the address into my Uber app. An available driver was only six minutes away. I just had to get Scott’s sloppy ass up from the table and out to the curb. It would be well worth the $60 fare to eject him from my house and, of course, to havethisstory to tell in my manuscript.
“We shoulddefinitelydo that sometime. You know, I actually think about you all the time.”
“You do?”
I nodded. “You’re right. Weweremagic.”
“We should get back together. I could move back in with you,” he said, but it sounded like “Icuhmoovbakihwihyuh.”
“That would be amazing,” I said. “For now, I would love it if we could just take a walk. Would you come take a walk with me?”
“A walk?” he asked.
“Yeah. I want you to stay over, but I think you should sober up a little bit first, don’t you?”
“I guess so,” he reluctantly agreed.
“You have your keys?” I asked. “So we can get back in? I’ll leave the apartment unlocked.”Like I would ever do that in Brooklyn.
“Uh huh,” he nodded, jingling the keys above his head. I gently took them from his hand.
“Great. I just need to use the bathroom real quick. I’ll be twoseconds.” I ran off into the bathroom and closed and locked the door, then located the key to my building, slid it off the ring, and slipped it into my pocket. “All set!” I announced, flushing the toilet.
He stood up unsteadily and stumbled to the door, placing his sweaty, clammy hand in mine. “I’m so glad we patched things up, Gracie,” he said. “You were always my number one.”
And you were always my number two, I thought, laughing at the absurdity of my own stupid joke.
I wrestled him into the elevator and all but carried him out when we arrived on the first floor. I opened the door to the building and a blast of cool damp air hit us. The sudden change in temperature must have affected him, because he ran over to the nearest bush and hurled.
Just then, the Uber arrived. Blade Z., a large tattooed guy with a gold front tooth was driving a souped-up, growling black Dodge Ram with tints that definitely were too dark to be legal, and I waved at him, smiling.Let’s hope Scott got it all out here.
I walked him over to the car and opened the back door. “I thought we were going for a walk,” he said, genuinely confused.
“I called my friend here to drive us instead,” I said.
“Oh, yeah? Where we going?” he asked.
“Home,” I smiled. Scott put his head back against the headrest and closed his eyes. I closed the door and added a $50 tip to Blade Z.’s Uber account before heading back inside.
I laughed all the way back up to my apartment.
