“I still had the building key. You only took back the key to your apartment.”
Aren’t you just a clever one, I thought.
“What do you want?” I asked.
“Can we please go inside and talk?” he begged.
I considered this. Inviting Scott into my house was about the last thing I wanted to do, but given the circumstances and the nosy neighbors, I figured it would make more sense than having old Mrs. Jansen down the hall file a noise complaint against me. I helped him up unwillingly, so that I could gain access to my door.
“Ugh. You smell like shit,” I said.No sense in sugarcoating things now.
“I’m sorry,” he said again.
I opened the door and he spilled inside like a fresh sack of garbage down an incinerator chute. Dorian Gray opened one eye on the couch but remained otherwise disinterested. Lucky for him too, because I swear to God, if he would have gotten up and walked his little cat butt over to Scott, that would’ve been the last time he saw a meal in this house.
“It looks so beautiful in here,” Scott slurred.
“Okay. Let’s not,” I said. “Sit down.”
He headed for the bedroom.
“No, Scott. Over here. At the kitchen table. I’ll get you a glass of water and that’s about where my hospitality will end.” I ran the tap. Didn’t even offer him the Brita.Ha!I thought.Even Dorian Gray gets Brita water.I set the glass on the table in front of him and grabbed the garbage can, just to have it close by in case of emergency. Then I sat down opposite him. “What are you doing here?” I asked for the second time.
He burped.Not a good sign, I thought.
“Why aren’t you home with Ilana and the baby?”
“Ugh,” he moaned, loud.
“What’s wrong, Scott? Fatherhood not all it’s cracked up to be?” I said in my bitchiest tone.
“I haven’t slept in forever,” he said.
“I’ve heard that happens when you have a newborn. Still, it’s a fucking miracle, right? ‘Hashtag best day ever,’ no?”
“It’s notmine,” he said, dragging out the wordminelike it was part of a song.
“What are you talking about?”
“The baby. Lilliana. She’s not evenmine.”
“What?” I asked, stupefied.
He took a sip of water. “I kinda had this feeling, you know? She came out all wrinkled and small, and you can’t really tell one baby from another because they all look the same.”
I shook my head, embarrassed for new fathers everywhere who actuallycareabout their adult responsibilities.
“But then she got a little bigger, like after a few weeks, and I sorta noticed something.”
“What’d you notice, Scott?”
He hung his head down in humiliation.
“Go on, you came all this way. Might as well spill it.”
“Well, she was born with this full head of thick, black hair. And after like a month or so, it all fell out. It was replaced by bright orange hair.”
“Is that normal?”
