I stare at the ceiling while Piper sleeps, thinking about today. I should be terrified by the way she’s snuck past my defenses and wound herself around my heart with that particular combination of sweetness and sass. Three women have wrecked me. The last one did it with my best friend, in my own bed, and I was down so fucking bad I didn’t see it coming. I swore I was done with everything about commitment. No more handing someone the knife and waiting for them to use it.
My dad’s voice is still in my head, even now.Don’t let ’em see you bleed, boy. That’s how they know where to cut.
Piper’s not like that, but I don’t know if I’m ready for this. Can the misshapen parts of my heart stretch far enough to hold everything she deserves?
Yet with this woman curled up in my arms, all I can seem to feel is something dangerously close to hope.
For her, I want to try.
28
PIPER
I wakeup to sunlight peeking through the edges of the curtains and the warm weight of Felix’s arm across my waist. For a moment, I lie still and listen to his breathing. I want to memorize this moment.
I could get used to this.
The thought would have sent me into a rumination spiral a month ago, but this morning I’m okay letting it just feel right. Like I might be done running because I’ve found something—someone—worth standing still for.
I love Felix Barlowe.
I admitted it to myself last night while he was tracing patterns on my shoulder in the dark, and now in the soft light of morning, it remains true. I love his terrible jokes and his sourdough obsession and the way he looks at Ellie like he’d go to the moon and back for her. The way he makes me feel like I can be both independent and vulnerable enough to let someone hold me.
“You’re thinking too loud,” he mumbles against my neck.
I smile. “How do you know I’m thinking?”
“Your breathing changes.” He turns me to face him. “Plus, you get a cute little line between your eyebrows.”
“Wrinkles are not cute.”
“Yours are.” He kisses the spot in question. “What’s going on in that clever brain, Hart?”
I could tell him. The words are sitting on my tongue. Instead, I tilt up my face and kiss him, slow and sweet, trying to communicate what I’m feeling without saying it out loud.
When we break apart, his eyes are dark and his mouth curves into a smile that feels like it’s just for me.
“Good morning to you, too,” he says.
“Morning.” I trace the line of his jaw. “What time is your workout with Tyler?”
He groans. “Nine. It’s leg day. I’m thinking about canceling.”
“Don’t be a wuss, Barlowe.”
“Wuss my ass.” In a flash, he’s on top of me, pinning me to the mattress in the most delicious way. His arms cradle my head, the heat of him sending need spiraling through me. “I’d rather get in a workout right here.” He leans in and nuzzles my neck.
I laugh, but it quickly turns into a moan thanks to the way he’s nipping along my jaw. “I’ll be here for your cardio workout later.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
“What if I like morning cardio?” he asks, the words tickling my skin as he presses his erection into my belly.
“I guess I’m due for a workout,” I agree with a grin.
The monitor on my dresser crackles, and the sound of Ellie babbling to herself the way she does upon waking fills the room.
