A tear spills over, and she swipes at it with her free hand. “You can’t say shit like that, Felix.”
“Why not?”
“Because it makes me want—” She stops herself, shaking her head. “Never mind.”
But I can guess what she was going to say, and I feel it too. I want to give in to this pull between us that has nothing to do with the baby and everything to do with moments like these. Moments when we see each other so clearly.
“Come on,” she says, opening her door. “Let’s go show Sadie and Ian before I completely lose it.”
I follow her toward the house, my eyes on her trembling fingers holding the ultrasound photos, and realize something with sudden clarity.
I don’t just want to be this baby’s father.
I want to be the person Piper turns to full stop.
20
FELIX
We findSadie and Ian in the living room watching Ellie on the floor with Beast. After trotting over to greet us, the mutt races back to Ellie, who’s holding a braided rope with knots. As she lifts the rope toy in the air, Beast’s tail wags so hard his whole back end starts to shake.
“Ellie dog!” the toddler shrieks, throwing the toy. It goes approximately two feet. Beast retrieves it anyway, bringing it back to drop at her feet. “Ellie dog!”
That’s pretty much what she exclusively calls him, apparently unable to reconcile the fact that Beast isadog but notherdog.
Sadie takes one look at our faces and smiles. “How’d it go?”
“Really good.” Piper holds up the strip of photos, and my heart trips over itself all over again. Even with photographic proof, I still can’t believe this is happening. “We have pictures.”
“Let’s have a look,” Ian says.
Piper hands them over, and both Sadie and Ian lean in closer. I’m shocked by the pride that swells in my chest, as if I’ve done anything other than contribute sperm to make this perfect baby. But watching them coo over the tiny features only strengthens my resolve to do more—both for the baby and Piper.
“Oh, Pip,” Sadie says, her smile widening. “Look at that little kiwi fruit.”
“Right?” Piper sits on the couch next to her sister, leaning her head on Sadie’s shoulder. “I’m having a baby.”
“A perfect wee nugget,” Ian says, studying the grainy images. Then he looks up at me with a grin. “I hope the baby looks like Piper.”
“Same, bro. Same.”
“That’s rude.” Sadie swats his shoulder.
“Just being honest.” His expression shifts to something more serious. “Congrats, though. I mean it.”
“Thanks.” I should say more, but I don’t know what, or if I could even get any other words out around the ball of emotion lodged in my throat.
Ellie abandons Beast and climbs into Piper’s lap, reaching for the photos. “What dat?”
“Just some pictures, sweetie.” Piper redirects her attention to Beast, who’s wagging his tail hopefully. “Beast is ready for more fetch.”
“Ellie dog!” She scrambles down and grabs the rope toy.
Piper watches her for a moment, then glances at Sadie. “I’m glad you brought him over. It’s nice having canine energy in the house again. Even if it’s from Beast, the chicken dog.”
“When you’re ready,” Sadie says, her voice gentle, “I’ll help you find a new four-legged friend. Not to replace Maxie, of course, but so you don’t feel alone.”
Am I chopped fucking liver? I’m sure Sadie doesn’t mean it like that. And I ignore her words because I haven’t officially stepped up. Maybe that needs to change.
