I set down the brownie. “I don’t know what I feel. But he makes me laugh. I know he’s thoughtful.” Warmth spreads through my chest. “He researched high-altitude nutrition and ordered special meals because I was barely eating. I know he stress-bakes sourdough at five in the morning. He looks at the little girl he’s caring for like she hung the moon, even though he’s convinced he’s going to fail her.” I offer a weak smile. “And I know that when he touches me, I forget every reason this is a bad idea.”
“Oh,” Molly breathes.
“He’s also not a player,” Sadie adds. “Felix is complicated. But he’s not the guy the world thinks he is.”
The room is quiet for a moment. Avah taps one manicured finger on the table. “You know how I always say hate sex is the hottest kind?”
“Um…yeah?” I ask, wondering where she’s going with this.
“I’m rethinking that.” She takes a sip of her drink. “Hate sex isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, so if this is?—”
“It’s not hate sex,” I insist. “Like I said, we don’t hate each other. We’re just...we’re like fire and gasoline. Sparks fly.”
“That’s one way to describe it,” Sadie murmurs.
“What’s the plan for standing on your own two feet?” Taylor asks, getting us back on track. “What does that look like for you?”
“I need a new job,” I say firmly, and my sister gives me a nod of encouragement.
“Would you go back to the hospital?” Iris asks.
“Maybe.” I cringe slightly. “If I didn’t totally burn that bridge. But I don’t think I want to go back to the NICU.” The admission feels like a weight lifting. “I loved it, but I need something different. Something that doesn’t remind me of...before.”
“There are always families looking for private nurses,” Molly suggests. “That would give you some flexibility in your schedule.”
“I’m sure a local private practice would love to have you,” Taylor adds.
“Nurses are in high demand,” Iris assures me. “We can all ask around. Discreetly until you decide exactly what you want.”
“That would be amazing,” I say, feeling tears prick at my eyes. Damn hormones. “Thank you.”
“That’s what friends are for,” Sloane says gently. Then she studies me more closely. “How’s the morning sickness?”
“It’s been better today, actually. I think the altitude was making it worse.” I take another bite of brownie. “Carbs help themost. Something about Felix’s sourdough settles my stomach in a way nothing else does.”
Molly sighs. “A man who looks like Felix Barloweandbakes bread? No wonder you don’t hate him.”
“It’s his stress relief.” That warm feeling in my chest spreads through the rest of my body as I think about Felix in the kitchen. “He’s really good at it.”
“Okay, you’re definitely in love,” Avah says with a laugh.
“I’m definitely no—” I start, then stop. Am I in love with him? Oh, crap. I might be. Maybe I have been since that night in Denver. Or since he carried me down the mountain. Or since I watched him read the same story to Ellie for the third time because she wanted “mo bunny.”
“Oh, Pip,” Sadie whispers, reading my mind as always.
“That’s why I need this challenge.” I dash a hand across my cheeks. “I can’t keep letting people make decisions for me. It’s tempting to accept whatever Felix is willing to give me. But I need to know I can stand on my own.”
“So the challenge is getting a job?” Iris asks, studying me intently.
“Partly,” I admit. “But a job that means something to me. One that I can keep doing once the baby comes.” I take a breath. “I need to prove to myself that I can do this. That I’m not just jumping from one person taking care of me to another.”
“We’ll help however we can,” Sloane promises, and everyone nods in agreement.
Which I appreciate, even though it would also mean letting them take care of me, which kind of defeats the purpose of my bucket list goal.
“Enough about me,” I say, looking at Sloane. “How are you doing? Are you officially finished with treatments?”
Something flickers across her face—a mix of relief and exhaustion—but she smiles. “Yeah, mostly. It’s all good.”
