One night in Denver, celebrating my signing with the Grizzlies. The same night Piper was at her college friend’s bachelorette party. Drinks. Dancing. Shots. The hotel room and a night we both agreed was a mistake and swore we’d never mention again.
“Holy shit.” I run both hands through my hair, my mind racing almost as fast as my heartbeat. “It’s my baby.”
“Yes.”
Turns out that freight train was carrying a shit-ton of emotions, dumping them on me until it feels like I’m buried alive. I move toward the bed and crouch down so Piper and I are at eye level, not even trying to hide the frustration I can feel radiating from every cell of my being.
“When the fuck were you going to tell me?”
12
FELIX
The question comes out harsh,like my vocal chords were just scraped across gravel, but I can’t help it. Piper’s known for a while, definitely the whole time I’ve been here, and hasn’t bothered to share the information? What the fuck.
Her eyes lock on mine, and there’s fire in them now, which is strangely comforting. Turbulent Piper is way more familiar than the fragile version, puking her guts out into the toilet. “I’ve been trying to figure out how.”
I rise to my full height and place my hands on hips, glaring at her. “How about ‘Hey Felix, remember that night we’re pretending didn’t happen? Well, surprise, I’m having your baby.’ That seems pretty straightforward.”
“Oh, really?” Her voice rises. “Should I have mentioned it that first night when you showed up exhausted and frustrated with Ellie? Or maybe when you told me you weren’t keeping her because you don’t want to be a father?”
Her words hit like a full-body tackle. “I never said that.”
“You did. Multiple times. Loudly and on repeat.” She wraps her arms around herself, looking smaller than I’ve ever seen her. Fuck, now I want to punch myself in the gut. “So yeah, I wastrying to decide when and how to tell you without it seeming like I was trapping you or expecting something you’ve made very clear you don’t want to give.”
“Piper—”
“I thought if I stayed here to help with Ellie, maybe I’d get to see what kind of father you could be. If you’d...” She trails off, shaking her head. “I don’t know what I thought. Maybe that you’d magically change your mind about kids, which would make what’s coming way easier on both of us.”
The vulnerability in her voice wrecks me. Especially when I realize she’s not angry, she’s scared of my reaction. And probably of doing this alone. She thinks I’m going to be another guy who lets her down.
“You offered to nanny for me because this is some kind of covert audition?” I ask, still trying to understand. To put aside the maelstrom of emotions pounding through me and think about this from Piper’s point of view. “Like if I did good with Ellie, you’d tell me?”
“No. I…” She hesitates just long enough that I’m pretty confident my guess might be at least partially true. “I wanted to figure out what’s best for the baby. And for me.”
“What about what’s best for me? Forus?” I sound like a little bitch, but I can’t help it.
Her eyes go wide. “Us? There’s no us. We had amazing sex. Twice now. But most of the time, we barely tolerate each other. We’re not together. We’re two people who made a mistake.”
“Don’t call it that,” I snap, then clear my throat and say in a quieter voice, “Don’t call our baby a mistake.”
“I wasn’t—” She shakes her head, pressing two fingers to each temple. “I meant the situation.”
“Are you keeping the baby?” The question is out before I can stop it, and I hold my breath waiting for her answer.
“Yes. A thousand times yes.” She sounds almost offended, and the relief that floods my veins nearly knocksme off my feet. “I know it’s complicated and the timing is terrible and you don’t want kids, but this is my baby and I’m?—”
“Our baby,” I interrupt.
“You don’t want kids,” she repeats.
Fuck. Why does she keep reminding me of that? It’s not like I can deny it, but she doesn’t understand. Hell, I barely understand. I never believed I could be the kind of dad a kid deserves, but I was willing to try. Right up until Ronnie’s betrayal. Then, something broke inside me. If I wasn’t worth a woman sticking around, I sure as hell wouldn’t be good enough to be someone’s dad.
I didn’t have a great role model in my own father. My brother is a fantastic dad now, but it took him a hot minute to get it together for Riva. And Ian is better than me in every way, which means it could take me decades—hell, a lifetime. My dad always said the Barlowe men were cursed in love, and with a trail of failed relationships in my wake, I’m living up to his prediction.
It sucks to grow up with parents who hated each other, and I’d never want to put that on a child. But Piper’s doubt cuts deeper than any knife could. “Do you really think I’m going to let you do this alone?”
“I don’t know, Felix.” Her voice cracks. “All I know is that I’m pregnant and puking on the regular and sue me for not saying anything. I thought I could figure this out by myself. I want to be able to stand on my own two feet without needing somebody to rescue me. This baby needs a mom who can take care of herself.”
