This is taking weird to a whole new level. By the time we finish eating, the tension is thick enough to cut with a knife. Tyler shows up just as I’m placing the leftovers in the fridge, and the personal trainer seems blessedly oblivious to the uncomfortable energy, which I use as an excuse to escape.
“I’ll put Ellie down for her nap,” I say as I lift the girl from her high chair. “You two can do your thing.”
Felix quirks a thick brow. “What exactly isour thing?”
I throw Tyler a desperate glance. “You know what I mean, right?”
“I want to hear your answer, Hart,” Felix clarifies with a smirk.
“Leg day,Barlowe,” Tyler says and offers me a slow wink. “I’m going to wreck him.”
“Totally support that,” I tell the trainer and give Felix a one-finger salute behind Ellie’s back. He laughs, the sound rolling through me like thunder.
Damn, I’m in bigger trouble than I realized.
I carry Ellie upstairs, grateful for the distance. I need to pull myself together. The cabin is thick-walled and well-insulated, so I can’t hear anything from the basement gym. But I can imagine it way too vividly. Felix will be loading weight plates onto the bar, his muscles flexing as he positions himself on the bench. The focused intensity of his face, the way his body moves as those muscles that haunt my mind flex. I shake my head, forcing the images away as I settle Ellie in her crib.
She fights sleep for a few minutes, babbling about the “swing” and “Fee,” but eventually her eyes drift closed. I watch her for a moment, this perfect little girl who somehow feels like she belongs to me even though she doesn’t. Just like Felix doesn’t, and won’t. Because nothing about this situation is permanent or real.
Neither of them should mean anything to me. But they do, and I don’t know how to make it stop.
I slip out of her room and into mine, intending to read or maybe finally respond to the text messages I’ve been ignoring from my sister and the rest of the book club. Instead, I lie down on the bed, just for a minute.
The bread Felix made—warm and sweet and perfect—settled my stomach instead of making it worse. Even the soup didn’t bother it. I’m still tired, but for the first time in days, I haven’t felt the constant low-grade nausea. I can’t help thinking my relief is about more than just the focaccia. It has something to do with my mountain of a man.
Except…nope. He’s not mine. I’d like to go back to that place where Felix Barlowe annoys the hell out of me with his giant muscles and giant personality. That would be a lot simpler, especially given the complexity of the secret I’m carrying. The one I need to tell him about, even though it scares the hell out of me. I can’t hide it forever, and I can’t hide away from life for much longer either. It’s time to pull up my big girl panties and deal with everything I’m trying to ignore.
I lay back against the pillow and place a hand on my stomach, letting my eyes drift closed. Maybe just a tiny nap first.
9
PIPER
When I wake,the light has shifted, late afternoon sun slanting through the windows and causing my heart to leap for different reasons than Felix Barlowe does.
I grab my phone from the nightstand. It’s nearly six. I’ve been asleep for three hours?
Uh, oh.
Stumbling out of bed, I make my way into the bathroom. This baby might be tiny, but his or her effect on my bladder is significant. I also take a second to splash cold water on my face, which does nothing to lessen the pillowcase crease on my cheek.
Is it possible that Ellie’s still sleeping? The sound of voices drifts up from downstairs as I check her bedroom and find an empty crib, which means I’m a sucky nanny, vegetable whisperer skills notwithstanding. I hurry down the stairs and into the living room, then stop short.
Felix, Tyler, and Ellie are sprawled on the massive sectional, all three of them staring up at the giant TV screen mounted above the fireplace where two animated dogs are doing something with a xylophone.
Bluey. They’re watchingBluey.
“For real life?” the cartoon dog asks, and Ellie giggles, clapping her hands.
“I didn’t mean to sleep so long,” I say as Felix glances up at me. “I’m so sorry. I was supposed to be watching her, and I blew-y it.”
“Epic fail,” Felix agrees solemnly before rolling his eyes. “I’m joking, Hart. No biggie.”
It feels like a biggie. Because what if Felix and Tyler hadn’t heard her and I slept through her cries without the monitor in my bedroom? What if I fall asleep and inadvertently ignore my baby crying? Is that the kind of mother I’m going to be?
Whoa, cue the nausea. Only I don’t think I can blame it on hormones this time.
“How long did she sleep?” I ask, trying to sound casual and not like I’ve decided I’m the worst mom-to-be ever.
