I feel like I’m going to be sick.
The team heads to the locker room, and the crowd moves in the space between the field and the parking lot, lingering to wait for the guys to come out and maybe because all of us are still mourning a loss we didn’t see coming.
It’s a long time before the players trickle out. Austin is among the first to show. His expression is as grim as I’d expected. His dad pulls him into a hug, then his mom. Torrance gives him some sympathetic words, and his little brother, Wyatt, holds up a half-eaten cookie to him.
The whole scene is endearing and heartbreaking. They worked so hard, and now it’s just over.
Austin finally looks like he can breathe a little easier when Claire lifts onto her toes and plasters herself to his front, hugging him hard.
When Rowan comes out, he meets my sad smile and steps over to me.
“I’m really sorry about the game,” I say to him.
“Thanks. Didn’t go our way this year.” He adjusts the strap of his bag higher on his shoulder and blows out a breath. He does a quick glance around the crowd like he’s looking for someone. I wonder if his family came, but asking right now doesn’t feel appropriate.
Most of the team has made it out now, but there’s still no sign of Vaughn.
I stop Rowan before he walks off to get pats and sympathy from the rest of his friends. “How is he?”
“You know Vaughn. He always takes it harder than any of us.”
I already knew that was the case. That’s just who Vaughn is, but hearing it makes my stomach twist.
“Are you heading to Doyle’s?” he asks. He already looks like he’s shaking off the loss. I know it won’t be that easy for Vaughn.
“Yeah.” I nod. “I’ll see you out there.”
I move closer to the doors while I wait for Vaughn. Minutes pass, and there’s no sign of him. I pull out my phone to text him, but I can’t decide what to say. I’m good at being optimistic and cheerful, but this is trickier. I’m not even sure I’m the person he’d want comforting him.
“Hey.” Claire steps up behind me. “We’re leaving. Do you want to ride out to Doyle’s with us?”
“No, I think I’ll wait.”
She gives me a sad smile. “You might be waiting awhile.”
He can’t stay in there all night. Can he?
“Come with us,” she says. “He probably just needs some time to himself. But when he’s ready, he’ll go to Doyle’s to be with the rest of the team.”
I hesitate, but it’s cold out, and I’m either going to have to bust into the boy’s locker room to find him or wait him out.
“All right,” I say following her and Austin to the parking lot.
I glance back before I climb into Austin’s Jeep, but there’s still no sign of him.
Chapter Thirty-two
Vaughn
There are few times in my life when I’ve been able to truly disconnect from everything, close my eyes, and disappear, but that’s exactly what state I’m in after the game.
Eyes closed, head resting back against my locker, legs splayed out in front of me, I just stare into a black abyss. My thoughts are quiet, as if my brain has decided this is the only way to survive.
“What are you still doing here, Cap?” Rowan’s voice sounds far away, but when I crack open one eye, he’s standing a foot from me.
It feels like hours since I saw him last, but a glance at the clock hanging on the wall near Dad’s office says it’s only been fifteen minutes or so since the last guy left and I was finally able to stop pretending I didn’t want to slam my head against the wall.
“Nothing,” I say, getting to my feet. All the despair and pain I was putting off comes back like a tidal wave.
