I have never felt less worthy of that title, but something Lacey said to me stuck. They’re still depending on me even if I’m not on the field. And for all the ways I’ve failed them by not being out there helping win this game, this feels like the least I can do. Hand them a water bottle and provide the same feedback I would if I were out there.
Sometimes it’s easier to see what’s working and what’s not when you have a little distance. I still hate every second of not being out there, but I’ll do anything I can to help us win.
Dad glances over as I’m talking with Rowan. He doesn’t say anything, but his disapproval weighs heavily on me. I know I’ve disappointed him. I’m disappointed in myself too.
We get our first break with less than a minute to go in the first half. Austin steals the ball and sprints toward the goal. He’s fast, and his footwork has improved greatly in the past few months since he joined the team. He dribbles between defenders, somehow outrunning them while keeping control of the ball. He gets a clear shot and takes it, hitting the back of the net and giving us our first lead of the game.
The guys on the sideline jump and cheer. I clench one fist.
“Yes!” I don’t celebrate too loudly, but I feel the momentum shift.
I glance over to the bleachers where our home crowd is on their feet. I spot Lacey with her hands raised over her head. She jumps up and down, so happy you’d think she kicked the ball in herself. I don’t know how she walks around so happy and carefree all the time. A few weeks ago, I might have thought it was all an act, but after spending more time with her I know it’s just who she is. She seems to radiate joy. I wonder what that’s like.
After halftime, Brayson falls apart little by little. They turn the ball over twice in a row, then get a flag on a play. They’re frustrated and desperate, and that’s exactly where we keep them for the rest of the game. Meanwhile, ourguys are meshing and feeding off one another. They’re playing well and I’m dying to be out there with them.
When the final buzzer sounds, the field erupts into mayhem. The team is one big mass on the field. Dad and I are the only ones that hang back.
“Congratulations. Looks like you got another shot,” Dad says.
I hear his unspoken words too:Don’t fuck this up again.
“Yes, sir.”
* * *
I’m the last one to leave after the game. The celebration has left trash on the field, and I pick up every last piece before Dad nods his approval. We have a custodial staff that usually does this, but I understand it’s all part of him making sure I feel the full weight of my fuckup.
When everything is done and the lights go out, I make my way toward the school. The guys were heading to Doyle’s cabin tonight. Half the school will be there, and usually I’d make an appearance if only to make sure things don’t get too out of hand, but I don’t feel up to it even if I weren’t grounded.
After I make sure the locker room is clean and grab my bag, I finally head out to my SUV.
It’s dark out, the cool October air has a nip to it, and my breath is visible as I walk. I keep my head down and walk quickly. I’m not expecting anyone and only half paying attention, so when Lacey steps out from the side of my Range Rover, I almost yell my surprise.
She startles at my reaction, and I have to dance around so I don’t trample her.
I reach out and place my hands on her forearms.
“Sorry. I thought you’d see me, and then you didn’t, and by the time I realized it, my mouth wouldn’t work to warn you.” She offers a sheepish smile. “Did I take five years off your life?”
“Possibly.” My heart is racing as I take in her red face. She has on a hat and gloves with a Frost Lake cheer sweatshirt, but if she’s been waiting out here since the game ended, she’s gotta be freezing.
“Is everything okay?” I glance up and search for her Bronco, spotting it on the other side of the parking lot. “Something wrong with your car?”
“No. Everything is fine. I just wanted to see if you wanted to study.”
“Tonight?”
“If you have other plans—” she starts.
“No. It’s not that. I’m grounded, so the only place I’m going is home, but it’s Friday night. I figured you were heading to Doyle’s with everyone else.”
“I’m not really feeling it. Plus, I have so much homework due next week on top of practice, two games, and I still need to study for the SAT next month.”
I nod, unsure what to make of her to-do list.
“If tonight doesn’t work, I could do tomorrow too, but it’ll have to be in the morning.”
“Now is fine.” I hadn’t really planned on studying tonight, but it’s probably what I should be doing. No wonder her grades are so good. “Do you want to follow me to my house?”
