Dad comes back before he says any more, and the topic is dropped. I’m still thinking about it when we head out. Cooper shakes my hand and wishes me luck, then he and Dad hug and promise to keep in touch.
In the SUV, Dad starts the vehicle. He seems lighter after the dinner and being around Cooper.
“We have about thirty minutes before we meet up with the Denmark coach,” he says.
Staring out the window, I nod absently.
We start for the hotel. There’s a restaurant with a bar on the first floor. I can see the coach inside already waiting for us from the lobby area.
“Wait.” I stop, and Dad turns back to me. His brows pinch together.
“Did you really play better when Mom was at your games?”
His brows lift. “You want to talk about this now? The coach is wait—”
“Can you just be my fucking dad right now instead of my coach?”
His jaw flexes as we stare each other down.
I’ve never pushed him to talk about Mom; it always seemed irrelevant. They were together, and then they weren’t. But I can’t get Patrick’s words out of my head. “Cooper said when she was there, he knew it was going to be a great game.”
Dad nods. “He used to tell me I was showing off for her.”
“So it’s true?”
“Probably.” He clicks his tongue and gets a faraway look in his eyes like he’s staring back into his past.
“Why?” It’s hard to imagine my dad young or in love or showing off, even for my mom.
He sighs with all the drama and flair of someone better suited for teaching theater than soccer. “I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.”
I glare at him. “Try.”
He’s quiet so long I don’t think he’ll actually tell me, but then he starts. “What your mom and I had was special. All-consuming. Not in a bad way, exactly…my feelings for her filled me up. I was free to be me in a way I hadn’t really accepted before that.” He stops and glances at me like he’s trying to decide whether to keep going. With another sigh, he does. “I was so busy trying to prove myself that it wasn’tuntil I met her I realized I had the talent and drive. I just had to believe it. She made me believe in myself. I know it’s probably hard to imagine, since it didn’t last, but our relationship was the single best thing that happened to me. I found courage and strength to be myself, and I got you.” He tries a wobbly smile on me.
I try to laugh it off, but he steps forward and places a hand on my shoulder.
“Being your dad is the best and hardest job I’ve ever had. You have dreams, and I want to make them all come true for you. The downside of that is I know exactly what it will take to achieve them. This is not an easy life.” He steps back and lets his hand fall to his hip. “I guess sometimes it’s easier to be your coach than your dad. I know soccer better than I know this…” He motions between us.
My throat tightens and I manage a nod. “I get that, but sometimes I want a break from it.”
He nods and then takes a step back, clearly thinking the conversation is over.
“I need to get back to Frost Lake.”
“What?” he asks like he didn’t hear me correctly. “We have the meeting with the Denmark coach and a whole day of games tomorrow.”
“I know, but this is important too.”
Dad takes a step closer, lowering his voice. “It’s a good opportunity. Professional soccer is more than playing. There are a lot of politics.”
“I get that, but I don’t have to worry about any of that for at least another year. Until then I want to enjoy high school and hanging with my friends.”
I can tell a retort is on the tip of his tongue, so I continue, “I’m not going to slack off in my training. I know what Iwant, and I’ll keep working hard for it. But I don’t want to lose track of everything else along the way. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, and I’m sorry if this hurts your reputation as well, but I’m not going in there. I’m going back to Frost Lake to go to the homecoming game.”
He stares at me, expression impossible to read. “You’re sure?”
I let out a breath. I was expecting him to list all the reasons I’m wrong and the things I’m not considering. “Positive.”
