High school state titles mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. If I were truly the best, I’d have led my team all the way to the State Championship. If you’re the best on the best team, then it’s worth noting, but otherwise it’s just a weak consolation.
I sigh as I lean back in the chair. “I know I can’t makeup for how things went this season, but I need to prepare now so it doesn’t happen again.”
His brows tug together in the center. “What are you talking about? We had a great season.”
“We lost.”
“One team in the entire state ends the season on a win.” He holds up his finger for emphasis.
And for the past two years that team was us.
“Is this about your dad? Is he giving you shit?” Rowan asks.
“He’s barely said a word about the game or the end of the season,” I admit, then I remember his words from earlier. He’s proud of me. I still don’t know what to make of that. Is it even true?
“Then I don’t get it. You’ve always had a good work ethic, but this is some next-level shit.”
“I don’t want to be the reason we lose again next year, okay? This one is on me, but never again.”
“What do you mean, it’s on you?” he repeats my words with an air of disbelief.
“Between sitting out for my grades and then losing focus this past month, I wasn’t at my best.”
“Literally nothing you’re saying right now makes any sense.” He rubs his forehead with two fingers.
“My dad warned me when Lacey and I first started hanging out that I was losing focus, and I didn’t listen. It’s my fault we lost.”
“Fuck that.”
He doesn’t get it, but I know my head wasn’t in it like it should have been. It couldn’t have been. Lacey consumed so much of my thoughts. And I tell him just that. Admitting it to someone makes me feel a little better. And a lot foolish as Rowan cocks one dark brow at me.
“Look, I know you believe all that, so I’m going to be nice when I say you’re an idiot.”
“How is that nice?” I ask.
“Trust me. What I’m thinking is a lot worse.”
“You don’t get it.”
He sits forward, looking more clear than he has since I walked in. “No,youdon’t. And I feel like garbage, so I don’t think I can explain it to you tonight. Just think about this: you had some of the best stats of your career this season. Many of them in the past month while you were with her.”
“You’re only proving my point. All it takes is losing focus for one game and it’s over.”
“I was at the semifinal game too. You didn’t lose focus. You were great. If it weren’t for you, we wouldn’t have had a chance. Austin was feeling the pressure, and I was sloppy. Every one of us made mistakes.” He grits his teeth, and for the first time I realize I’m not the only one feeling like I let the team down.
“Pacific was just better than us that day,” he says.
The doorbell rings and Rowan stands. “I’ll bet that’s food. Are you staying?”
“Yeah. Is that cool? I don’t feel like going back home tonight.”
“Of course. Though as soon as this cold medicine kicks in, I’m probably going to be out. Make yourself at home. I’ll be right back.”
I text Dad to let him know where I am and sit with Rowan while he eats and then proceeds to pass out on the couch exactly as predicted.
I wander down the hall into the media room. Taking a seat in one of the leather chairs, I recline it back and pull out my phone.
I’ve already read back through Lacey’s and my texts a dozen times this week, but I do it again, this time stopping on a picture she took of us at Doyle’s camp. We’d taken the four-wheeler out to the apple tree again, but this time instead of picking apples we lay under the stars and talked about anything and everything and kissed until my lips were chapped.
