I quickly put everything back in the box, except the list, which I tuck into my backpack, and I head out the door.
As soon as I get to school, I find Claire next to our lockers. She and Austin are holding hands, talking and smiling at each other, but when I approach, she aims that smile at me.
“Hey. You’re late. I was starting to worry,” she says, looking me over like she might find evidence of the reason I’m running behind today.
“I’m fine. Dad brought out a box of my mom’s things, and I got sidetracked.”
“What kinds of things?” she asks. She knows, perhaps better than anyone else, how I’ve spent so much of my life looking for more pieces of the mother I didn’t get to know.
Before I can answer, Rowan walks up, and he and Austin fall into conversation while Claire and I move off to one side.
“School papers, club minutes, pictures, yearbook, andthis.” Unable to contain my excitement, I pull my mother’s high school bucket list from my backpack.
Claire takes it from me, looking it over with as much awe as I hoped.
“Oh my gosh,” she says, smiling as she stares down at the paper. “Her bucket list?”
“Mm-hmm.” I move over to read over her shoulder.
For several more seconds, Claire looks it over. When she glances up at me, she looks as impressed as I feel. “I always forget how creative and artsy your mom was. Also, you definitely got your love of glitter from her.”
She pulls her hand away and rubs her fingers together to get rid of the excess glitter that’s transferred onto her hands from the paper.
“This is really cool.” Claire hands the paper back to me.
“Yeah, except she didn’t finish it.” My gaze goes to the four things she never crossed off: travel internationally, get a piercing, learn the “Thriller” dance, and kiss someone under the stars.
“Maybe she did and just didn’t cross them off. I bet your dad kissed her under the stars at some point.”
“Yeah,” I say, but I still can’t shake the feeling of sadness for all the things she didn’t get to do. Not just these four items. I bet she thought she had all sorts of time to do everything she wanted.
I’m still thinking about it when the first bell rings. I tuck the paper back into my bag and slip it into my locker.
“It makes me wonder what I’d put on a list.” Claire opens her locker next to mine. She thinks for a minute. “I want to cut my hair, and I have a bunch of books I want to read that I haven’t yet. Oh, and I’d like to go to space.”
“Ooooh not me. Floating around up there freaks me out.” I shiver at the thought, and Claire laughs.
Austin and Rowan are still hovering nearby, and when Vaughn arrives, they announce it to the entire hallway. “Collins!”
Claire looks back at the guys as they gather around their team captain. Even when they’re not on the soccer field, they treat him like their leader. I guess I understand that. A lot of the cheerleaders do the same to me, especially the younger ones. I have a sudden empathy for Vaughn. We’ve both taken on big roles for our teams—roles that are usually reserved for seniors. It’s a lot of pressure.
When my best friend glances back at me, she says, “I heard you hooked him up with Caleb for tutoring.”
The reminder of that favor makes my mood plummet. I think it’s guilt, though I don’t know why I feel bad. I don’t tutor. That wasn’t a lie, exactly. Occasionally I help out my friends, which is what I did for Rowan. And Caleb is smart. Maybe even smarter than me.
“Yeah,” I say, sneaking a glance at Vaughn. He looks over at me at the same time, our eyes locking from ten feet apart. I might be imagining it, but he looks genuinely upset or worried. Unfortunately, broody is a good look for him.
Claire’s light laughter distracts me enough that I come to my senses and look away first.
“Why is it you still look like you want to toss a pom-pom at his head whenever Vaughn is around?” she asks.
“You know why,” I say pointedly.
“Because of me?” she asks, sounding genuinely surprised that could be the real reason. He broke up with her right after she hurt her foot and learned she couldn’t keep skating competitively. It was a crummy thing to do, and I feel completely validated in holding a grudge against him for it.
I don’t answer, but she must read it on my face because hers softens, and she laughs again.
“You don’t need to keep holding a grudge for my benefit. In fact, I’d rather you didn’t. Vaughn and I are good.”
