Chapter 70
Damon
I stare at him blankly. Either I’ve misheard or he knows I’ve deliberately killed a man. Maybe Laura has given him recorded footage, and together they plan to use it against me. No, that doesn’t make sense. They can’t know one another. My mouth opens, ready to tell him it was self-defence, that I had no choice. But I struggle to find the right words.
‘Well?’ he says. ‘In all the years since I treated you, have you taken another life?’
It’s the way he phrases the question that confuses me further.Another?‘I haven’t killed anyone, ever,’ I lie.
He offers a condescending smile. ‘And how can you be sure of that?’
‘Because I know who I am.’
‘You know who you are now, but not who you were then. With your hand on your heart, can you claim to be one hundred per cent certain that you have never cut another person’s life short?’
I think we are talking at cross purposes here, but how can I explain that without admitting to what I did in that car park? ‘Because ... because I’d know if I hurt anyone,’ I say. ‘The memorymight be gone, but that feeling of remorse would remain.’ And as I’ve learned recently, it certainly does.
‘Then why do you think Helena and your father brought you here?’
‘My dad?’
Fernandez-Jones nods. This revelation about my father’s participation surprises me because, from what I have seen of the man, I doubt my mental health would’ve been high on his list of priorities.
‘They must have brought me here to treat me after Mum died,’ I reply. ‘I assume I was in shock or a deep depression. After seeing what happened to Mum, anyone would be, regardless of their age. I needed help.’
‘You came here six weeks after she died, if I recall correctly. I wouldn’t have performed ECT on a child grieving their mother’s passing.’
‘Then why did you?’
He forms a steeple with his fingers in front of his mouth. He leaves me in no doubt he is enjoying this.
‘First, permit me to recount a case study in the early 2000s by an American institute I was involved with that focused its efforts on rehabilitating career criminals,’ he begins. ‘Not, petty, occasional criminals, but those who posed a real, physical risk to other inmates and to the general public. When we electrically stimulated the prefrontal cortex of their brains, it reduced the urge to carry out violent antisocial acts by half.By half, Damon. Do you understand what a difference that can make?’ His question is rhetorical. ‘The more case studies we performed ECT upon, the more markedly their behaviour improved. So our belief was –is– that we should introduce ECT on purposefully selected offenders before they are released from prison to commit another crime. Think about it. What if the most antisocial and feared offenders – the murderers, the paedophiles, et cetera – were subject to mandatory ECT before being freed? Howmany people might we protect if we eliminated or drastically reduced their criminal urges? Why should offenders have freedom of choice when their victims don’t? Some of my more vocal critics claimed my proposal was inhuman. But I say no, what’s inhuman is allowing people back on our streets to bring pain to the lives of others.’
I’m reminded of the filmMinority ReportMelissa and I watched last year as part of our movie challenge. Tom Cruise plays a detective attempting to arrest murderers before they commit their crimes. That is science fiction. What Fernandez-Jones is claiming, is fact.
He admits his proposal ran into difficulties after being granted access to a South American supermax prison – the most secure level of custody – which allowed him to experiment on a dozen prisoners. Two suffered irreversible brain damage, one later took his own life, and four others reoffended. He casually brushes this off.
‘Not the results we were hoping for, granted. But the most important thing to remember, and what continues to be ignored by the naysayers, is that my treatment didn’t have a negative impact on all of them,’ he adds. ‘The remainingfiveoffenders never committed another crime. But the vocal minority used the ammunition of the less successful subjects to have my funding withdrawn, to ensure I was blackballed by my peers and deemed a danger to my profession.’
I look around at the equipment and electrical devices surrounding me. Some remain plugged into sockets.
I can’t listen to any more of this and rise to my feet. ‘I came here looking for answers, not bullshit,’ I say. ‘It was my dad who killed people, not me. At least three children and probably my mum. And I suspect he’s guilty of others too.’
Fernandez-Jones has also got to his feet, and now he moves around his desk and perches on the edge in front of me, blocking my path.
‘But Damon, your dad didn’t kill anyone.’ That damned smile. ‘It was you.’
Chapter 71
Damon
‘Move out of my way,’ I snap. ‘You’re crazier than I am.’
Fernandez-Jones is unfazed.
‘When your father brought you to me, he told me he knew for certain that you had killed.’ He speaks in a softer, more even tone now. ‘You freely admitted it to him and your mother. There was something inside you that you couldn’t control. He also knew that, for all intents and purposes, you were also a caring, loving young man and he was desperate to keep that side of you as the dominant one. He wanted to prevent you from hurting anyone again.’
I shake my head so vigorously that the tendons in my neck seize up from when the only person I know I’ve killed attacked me. I don’t believe Fernandez-Jones. I don’twantto believe him. ‘If that was true, why didn’t you go to the police?’
