Melissa hesitates, so Adrienne repeats the question.
‘Twice, since Brighton,’ Melissa eventually answers.
‘Twice,’ Adrienne repeats, as if trying to make sense of it. ‘How do you do it?’
‘I ... I hold him under the water in the bath until he drowns.’
She wants to say it sounds a lot worse than it is. But of course it isn’t. Adrienne gasps, pushes back her barstool and begins pacing the kitchen. Without looking at Melissa, she asks, ‘How do you bring him back?’
‘Chest compressions at first, but then I had to use the defib and an intraosseous drill.’
This forces a disbelieving, despairing sound from Adrienne. ‘It’d be bad enough if you were there to witness him dying of his ownaccord and not stepping in to help,’ she says. ‘But to deliberately end his life with your own hands? That’smurder, Melissa. Do you understand that? Murder.’
‘He gave me no choice.’
‘You killed your ex-husband!’ Adrienne all but shouts at her. ‘And youkeepkilling him! That isyourchoice, because you don’t have to do it.’ She stops pacing and stares at her, wide-eyed. ‘What if he stays dead? That video won’t prevent you from being prosecuted.’
‘I could make a jury understand he wanted me to do it. It’s no different to assisted suicide.’
‘Are you stupid or just naive?’ She grabs her phone and types something into it as she continues to talk. ‘The law won’t care if Damon wanted this. You’re still the one who’s killing him.’ She turns the screen around to face Melissa. ‘It says here eighteen years is the average prison sentence for murder. You’d be approaching your mid-forties before you’re released.’
Melissa tries and fails to hold back her tears. ‘I thought that if I agreed to it, he might’ve got his answers by now and we could return to normal.’
‘Normal?’ Adrienne scoffs. ‘That is never going to happen.’
‘I was doing it for you too, for us, so that we could have our family.’
Adrienne’s laugh dies in her throat. ‘The baby’s father dead and his mum jailed for murder? How did you think that might’ve helped us? How could I explain that to our child?’
‘Damon threatened to withdraw from the IVF donations if I didn’t help him. And I know how desperate you are for us to have a baby. I tried to tell you at the hospital café this might not be the best time.’
Adrienne glares at Melissa and her voice deepens. ‘Don’t you dare try and put this on me.’
‘No, no, that’s not what I’m saying,’ Melissa backtracks. ‘I didn’t want to disappoint you, that’s all.’
Adrienne draws an invisible line around her face with her finger. ‘Look at me. How do you think I feel right now?’
‘Now you know, perhaps you can help me talk him round? Make him see sense. Help him to realise that he doesn’t need answers. That he can have everything he ever wanted when he becomes a dad.’
Adrienne shuts her eyes tight and Melissa’s heart sinks. ‘Do you think I really want to co-parent a child with someone as unstable as Damon? That is most definitely not happening.’
‘But you know how much it means to him.’
‘Him, him, him. I’m sick of it. What about us? Was Damon thinking about how much this means to him when he missed his clinic appointments? When he was threatening to withdraw his consent? No, he doesn’t think of anyone but himself.’
Melissa wants to fight back, but her arsenal is empty. In her heart, she knows everything Adrienne is saying is valid.
‘Are you sure you don’t want to be with him?’ Adrienne asks suddenly.
Melissa tilts her head slightly, unsure if she has misheard. ‘Yes,’ she says emphatically. ‘Of course I don’t want to be with him. Where is this coming from?’
‘I’m a patient woman. I don’t complain when I’m not invited to your Friday film nights. When the dinner I’ve cooked is getting cold because you’re in the other room FaceTiming him. Or even when you go over to his flat because you’re worried he’s lonely. I accept you two are close. But what you’ve been doing is so completely beyond what you might expect from a friend. Can you blame me for questioning if there’s more to your relationship than exes?’
‘Ade, I swear to you, there’s not.’
But Adrienne doesn’t appear to be registering Melissa’s answers. ‘You loved him once, perhaps you’re not ready to admit those feelings have returned. Maybe I was an experiment.’
‘As afriend,’ Melissa says earnestly. ‘I love him as afriend. You are the person I aminlove with.’
