‘Then perhaps you have no choice but to come to terms with never knowing the whole truth.’
‘There is another way,’ he says.
She is about to ask what that would be before she reads his expression.
Chapter 60
Melissa
Her fury returns and erupts. She pushes herself off the trolley, grabs Damon by the arm and pulls him up a step and inside the vehicle, slamming the door behind them. He winces at the sudden movement and clutches at his ribs. She must really have cracked them when she brought him back to life last time.Good, she thinks.
‘What are you going to threaten me with this time if I don’t do it?’ she barks. ‘Are you going to tell my family and Adrienne what we’ve been doing? Or the NHS Trust and have me fired?’
‘No, no no,’ he says, and appears genuinely horrified by her suggestion. ‘What I said last time, I promise, I’d never have gone ahead with any of it. I was angry and tired and confused and I lashed out at you when I shouldn’t have.’
While she is partially satisfied by his apology, it matters less whether he’d have carried out his threats and more that he thought to use them against her in the first place.
‘You seriously expect me to do that to you again?’
‘I’ve found a hospital that will help me,’ he says. ‘A psychiatric unit in Leicestershire.’
He removes his phone from his pocket, locates a bookmarked website and passes it to her. Melissa is aware of it. A former colleague now works there.
‘They will admit me if I tell them I’m a danger to myself,’ he continues. ‘If you help me this one final time, I’ll say anything it takes for me to be accepted there as an inpatient. And before that, I’ll make a statement to the police about everything I remember about finding Callum Baird’s body. At least I can put it on record in case Dad hurts anyone again. But I need your help to fill in the last few gaps.’
Melissa clenches her fists, willing herself not to become emotional in front of him.
‘When is this going to end?’ she asks.
‘When I have my answers and when I can help these kids and Mum,’ he replies. ‘Please believe me, this isn’t a threat. And I’m not trying to guilt-trip you into doing it. But you must know, I’ve come too far to stop. I’m going to do this with or without you. And then I’ll get help and we can go back to how things were. I swear.’
Melissa knows that pregnancy or no pregnancy, their friendship cannot return to how it once was. Far too much has happened. She looks him up and down. Mentally and physically, Damon is disintegrating before her. And she is his only hope of survival.
An image of Adrienne appears in her mind. She loves that girl with all her heart and desperately wants to make her happy. But she knows she can’t do that until Damon’s questions are resolved.
‘Go and see your dad one last time,’ she says.
‘You weren’t there,’ he argues. ‘You didn’t see how quick he was to lose his temper when I told him what I remembered. It’s pointless.’
‘Yourdeathis pointless,’ she counters. ‘So talk to him again. And if he isn’t willing to help you, then I will.’
Chapter 61
Damon
I’ve been sitting in a KFC restaurant for the best part of the afternoon but have yet to order anything from the menu. It’s close to the DIY store where Dad works, and I’m waiting for him to finish his shift. When he finally passes the window, I scramble to get my coat and bag and leave without losing sight of him.
My plan was to confront him in the street, where he can’t hide behind a security guard as before. Where there are witnesses. Instead, curiosity gets the better of me and I follow him. I maintain a safe distance for close to half an hour until we reach a row of terraced houses. I’m unfamiliar with Basingstoke, but I get the impression he doesn’t live in the best part of town. His front door and window face directly on to an area of litter-strewn greenery. Still, I’m sure it’s better than his view was from a prison cell window. He lets himself in and switches on a light as the door closes.
I remain where I am, by a tatty playpark, ignoring the curious gaze of a pack of young people roaming the area on BMXs. I try to rehearse the conversation I need to have with him, but I don’t really know why I’m bothering. I’m not expecting much from him. I’m only here because of a promise I made to Melissa to press him forthe facts of our family’s past. I was tempted not to bother: to keep myself safe and lie to her. But after all she’s put on the line for me, she deserves more than that.
My heart thrums as I approach his front door with its flaking yellow paint. I don’t know what to expect, but maybe this time if I don’t provoke him, we can at least have a conversation. There’s no bell, so I pluck up the courage to knock once, twice, then a third time. Eventually he answers, every bit as surprised to see me at his home as he was at his work. He recoils ever so slightly before regaining his composure and puffing out his chest. Without saying anything, he begins to close the door on me.
‘We can do this out here if you like,’ I say, raising my voice. ‘Do your neighbours know who they’re living next door to?’
He hesitates, then reluctantly allows me inside. I follow him along a gloomy hallway where I’m half expecting him to suddenly turn around and pin me up against a wall. Instead, he leads the way into a lounge. It stinks of stale tobacco in here. There’s an old black leather sofa, and next to it an armchair with three stacked cushions to offer extra height. In the corner of the room is a small circular dining table and two chairs. A half-full ashtray lies in the centre with the remnants of charred roll-ups. There’s a television that predates flatscreens with the six o’clock news on mute. I wonder if this is where he lived before he was jailed, because it doesn’t appear to have been updated in years.
‘Why are you here?’ he asks, keeping his tone measured and the volume to a minimum.
