‘Thank you, but we’ll be okay,’ I reply instead.
A brief silence follows. I need to fill the gap.
‘Look,’ I continue, ‘when you’re ready to talk, I’m here to listen. And I don’t mean that I’m going to talk over you or try and justify what I did, I just want to hear what you have to say.’
‘Thank you,’ he replies before we say our goodbyes.
I take a moment to myself, dab the corner of my eyes, perform a few cleansing breaths and return to the twins. At this very moment, they might well be the only two people in this world who want to be around me.
Chapter 59
Margot
The hospital is the last place I want to be. But Anna was adamant I join her. Apparently, she hates these places. She muttered something about spending too much time in them when she was a girl, but I wasn’t wearing the appropriate footwear for a trip down memory lane. I was preoccupied by trying to find a way out of this. Short of faking a heart attack or stroke, she gave me little choice but to come.
Truth be told, I’d rather be spending time with Liv’s kids than their mum. They have no expectations of me, and all I’m required to do is keep them fed, safe and entertained for a few hours until I hand them back to Brandon or their grandma. They seem to enjoy my company, and when we arrive at their home, they always hug me goodbye without being told to. They’ve shown me this is how it should’ve been between me, Frankie and Tommy when they first came into my life. They deserved attention. They received resentment. I wish I’d been better.
I’ve started trying to build inroads with them, which is difficult when you’re living under separate roofs. And to do that, I’ve decided to be honest with them. I’ve admitted it’s my fault theirdad and I have separated, and they’re old enough to understand what an affair is. I’ve promised I’m going to do my best to make it up to them all. Frankie will be harder to convince than their brother – I’m training myself to use their chosen pronouns – but I’m willing to put the work in. I’ve allowed too much water to pass under the bridge to call myself their mother, but I can be their friend.
I’m hoping it’ll be easier next month, as that’s when they’re all moving back. The new series ofStrictlystarts soon, so Nicu will be away in London from Wednesday to Saturday each week. He’ll stay at ours the rest of the time, although we’ll have our own bedrooms.
But first, I need to get this morning out of the way. Anna senses my trepidation.
‘Are you still worried about that video?’ she asks.
‘You think?’ I say dryly.
‘We don’t even know if she’s aware of what happened that night.’
‘Then who sent Nicu the video?’
‘I have no idea. Given what’s happened since, it doesn’t matter anymore. If Brandon hasn’t mentioned it already, he’s not going to now.’
‘Perhaps I should just take the bull by the horns and apologise for what I did?’
Anna shakes her head vigorously. ‘Or perhaps you shouldn’t. Perhaps you should let sleeping dogs lie and keep your mouth shut.’
Her bluntness surprises me.
‘I was expecting you to tell me to be honest,’ I reply.
‘In my experience, people only admit the truth to ease their conscience. Don’t make yourself feel better by making her feel worse.’
Anna leads the way to Liv’s floor. It’s a private hospital so she has a room to herself. My body stiffens when I catch sight of her.She’s awake, sitting upright on top of the bedcovers, watching an afternoon quiz show on a wall-mounted television. She is casually dressed, in a sweatsuit. Even without make-up, she doesn’t look as if, just over two weeks ago, I left her at death’s door. Her arm and leg are in plaster casts and there is a bandage taped to her forehead.
‘Oh my God!’ she yelps as Anna approaches.
She leans over the bed and gives Anna a hug, and Anna places a box of chocolates and a bouquet of October blooms on a cupboard by her bedside. My heart is racing when her eyes meet with mine.
‘Margot.’ She grins and hugs me next. ‘It’s so good to see you.’
I wait for a sign that this is an act, but it doesn’t surface. She pats the side of her bed and beckons us to sit.
‘How are you feeling?’ asks Anna.
‘You know what, I’m doing pretty good, I think,’ she says. ‘At least that’s what the doctors keep telling me. They can’t find any significant brain damage. Well, no more than I had before the accident.’
I laugh nervously.
