Arthur shuddered. But his thin smile remained as he offered a barely perceptible nod.
He had followed his solicitor’s advice and joined the Government-approved Perfect Companion matchmaking service. Each prospective member faced an in-depth interview before joining. Arthur had already faced a barrage of questions that morning.
‘First of all, Match Your DNA is the fastest way of finding love,’ Jax continued. ‘Have you signed up to that yet?’
‘No.’
‘Might that be something that interests you? If so, I have a discount code. You never know, you could be all loved up by the end of the week if your Match has already signed up.’
‘No thank you,’ Arthur declined politely but firmly. June was the woman who had been made for him. He didn’t need his DNA testing to prove that.
‘Okay, matey. So what age bracket are we looking at here? Someone your own age? Perhaps someone a little younger? We have all kinds on the system, even undergraduates looking for a sugar daddy if that floats your boat.’
Arthur shook his head.
‘All righty. What about occupation? Would you prefer your future spouse to be working or retired?’
‘I don’t mind.’
‘Full-time or part-time?’
‘Either.’
‘Widowed or divorced?’
‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘Let’s put both. Own house, own car?’
Arthur shrugged.
‘We’ll tick both boxes for that too. Good health, I assume? I mean, you don’t want to be a widow again in a hurry, do you?!’ Jax laughed, Arthur did not.
‘What about hair colour, buddy? Are you into blondes or brunettes? Or maybe dark or a natural grey?’
‘Anything.’
‘Do you like the collar and cuffs to match?’
Arthur came close to spitting out his tea.
‘I’m just pulling your leg here, buddy.’ Jax laughed again.
The more the questions continued, the more frequently Arthur flushed. Jax wanted to know everything from his preferred breast size to the acceptable number of past lovers a date might have. And Arthur didn’t escape the intimate questioning. He had to put on record any moles or skin tags, medical ailments and if he was capable of maintaining an erection without the use of medication.
‘Is this really necessary?’ Arthur asked, exasperated. He knew all the medication in the world couldn’t help him to be intimate with another woman.
‘Sorry, matey, but it’s my job to help find you Ms Right,’ Jax replied. ‘There’s no point in scrimping on the detail and wasting everyone’s time.’
When the survey was eventually complete, Arthur was as exhausted as he was relieved.
‘All righty,’ Jax said. ‘In the next five minutes, you should receive an email from me containing a selection of ladies who fit your criteria and vice versa. How does that sound, buddy?’
Arthur wanted to say it sounded like hell but he knew that he couldn’t. His lawyer had also warned that Arthur was being assessed on the openness of his answers and keenness to participate. A rating from a boy half a century younger than him could be the difference between freedom and prison.
‘Is there anything else I can help you with today, Artie?’ Jax continued.
‘No, thank you.’
