‘It was never a goal of mine to get married and I was honest with Luca about that from the start,’ added Noah.
‘Why?’ asked Jeffrey.
‘I think there’s too much pressure on queer couples to marry. It shouldn’t be a goal we’re all expected to aim for. And I fear those who choose not to get married will think the rest of us regard their relationships as less worthy than our own.’
‘So why did you agree to it?’
‘Because it meant so much to Luca. Oh, and of course the benefits that no one is supposed to talk about.’ He fastened an invisible zip on his mouth.
Jeffrey raised his eyebrows, as if unsure as to Noah’s reference. He knew precisely what he meant, but he wanted to hear him say it aloud.
‘The incentives,’ said Noah. ‘Tax breaks, private health insurance, no stamp duty, interest-free loans . . . no one ever admits it but they’re the real reasons behind most Smart Marriages, aren’t they?’
‘I wouldn’t say most, no,’ Jeffrey replied.
‘And it wasn’t the driving force behind our getting married,’ Luca clarified.
‘So, Luca, you haven’t benefitted from any of the practical incentives?’ asked Jeffrey.
‘Well, I guess so, yes, but . . .’
‘And what if there had been no incentives?’ Jeffrey continued. ‘No subsidized mortgages, no living in a modern, affluent, regenerated area of town like this, no interest-free loans on the latest models of driverless cars like the ones parked on your drive? Might you have still taken the plunge?’
‘Of course,’ said Luca.
‘Eventually, maybe,’ added Noah.
‘“Eventually”,’ Jeffrey repeated. ‘So without these incentives, it’s possible you wouldn’t yet be married.’
‘I’m not saying that. We might have at some point.’
‘ “At some point”,’ Jeffrey again repeated. He watched Luca withdraw his hand from under Noah’s.
‘Although I’m beginning to wish we hadn’t,’ Noah huffed and folded his arms. ‘Because if we’d stayed as we were, we wouldn’t be sitting here having our relationship picked apart by a stranger. And for what reason? We still don’t really know.’
Jeffrey skimmed pages on the tablet with his finger before he spoke again. ‘You’re a bell end; you don’t know what you’re talking about; for fuck’s sake, stop being a dick; I’m busy right now, can I ignore you another time? Are you an idiot? How long does it take to get a divorce?’
His clients appeared perplexed.
‘They were all things you said to each other which your Audite recorded,’ Jeffrey continued. ‘Plus twenty-three “fuck offs,” fifteen “twats”, half a dozen “shut ups” and five “If you don’t like it, tough”.’
‘You’re taking them out of context,’ Noah protested. ‘That’s what we do, we take the piss out of each other. We don’t mean it; we laugh as we say it.’
‘The data includes a “margin of error for sarcasm and riposte”, but your conversation travels way beyond the parameters. And that is why a stranger is picking apart your marriage.’
Jeffrey’s tablet chimed to alert them to their fifteen-minute scheduled break. All three rose to their feet. Luca’s frown as he poured himself a coffee suggested an unresolved discontent, but Noah was harder to read until his face suddenly paled.
‘Shit!’ said Noah as he scrolled through his phone. ‘Shit, shit, shit!’
‘What’s wrong?’ asked Luca.
‘It’s Beccy, she’s putting a hold on the surrogacy.’
‘What? Why?’
‘Why do you think?’ Noah glared at Jeffrey. ‘I told you he said something to her when we were in the cafe. She went very quiet.’
‘Read me her message.’
