He waited patiently for a shot of adrenaline to course through his veins or for panic to rise from the pit of his stomach. But neither developed. And not even the wind’s icy tendrils could penetrate him. Charlie would have to accept that this was how it was going to be from here on in – he was a man who feared nothing because he felt nothing.
‘Mate, what are you doing?’ A voice came from behind, carried by the breeze. Charlie turned his head as a figure approached.
‘Milo?’
‘Whatever it is that’s troubling you, there must be a better way to deal with it than this.’ He was wheezing.
‘Why are you breathless?’
‘I just walked up fifty-two flights of stairs. You know my issues with lifts.’
‘What are you doing up here?’
Milo held up his hand; there was something between his fingers. ‘You left a hotel-room swipe card at my house yesterday. I swung by to drop it off at the reception desk when I saw you take the staff elevator to the roof.’
‘I work part-time here,’ said Charlie calmly.
‘No, you don’t.’
‘Why do you say that?
‘I went into your room before I came up here. Your stuff is in there. I recognised your trainers. How can you afford to stay in a place like this?’
‘I’m standing naked on a hotel roof and that’s the question you ask?’
‘Because I don’t know what else to do,’ he shrugged. ‘I’d like to be your friend but you keep us all at arm’s length.’
‘Us? Who else knows about the room? Who’ve you told?’
‘Nobody, honestly, you can check my phone if you don’t believe me. So, what’s going on? Why are you up here?’
Charlie cocked his head. Milo was somebody he could talk to. He was kind, giving, thoughtful and non-judgemental. Perhaps he might help, even if he couldn’t know the complete story. ‘Have you ever just stopped …feeling?’ he asked.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Has your head ever become so overloaded with details, with experiences, with bad shit, that it just won’t take any more, so it just kind of … shuts down?’
‘I guess we all have bad days.’
‘I’m not talking a bad day, a bad week or even a bad month. I’m talking about a bad all the time and the only way you survive is to close yourself off.’
‘I guess that’s part of life, isn’t it? You just find a way to get on with it.’
Charlie let out a laugh with no humour attached. ‘With respect, you have no idea what life is about, Milo. And you have no idea of what it’s like to be one of the only people who does.’
‘Why don’t you put your clothes on and we can go downstairs and talk about it?’
‘If I did talk about it, I’d probably have to kill you afterwards.’
‘Okay,’ smiled Milo. ‘I’ll take that risk. Let’s start by stepping back onto the roof.’
‘Why, do you think I’m going to throw myself off it?’
‘Honestly? Yes. Why else would you be up here?’
‘To remind myself who I was before I gave it all away.’
‘Who you were? Who took it away from you?’
